A Fork in the Road

Just when we thought we had left the endless trail of decisions behind us....

A couple days ago I had a conversation with a friend of my mother. This woman has a private adoption practice in the state of NH and what I learned from her is that some of our fears and doubts about domestic adoption are unfounded. We had read and heard many scary things about birth mothers in crisis, birth mothers using drugs and alcohol, and birth mothers changing their minds. We also worried, at the grand old age of 40, that we would sit around waiting forever for a birth mother to choose us. But apparently all those scary birth mother stories, however common in other parts of the country, are extremely rare in good ol' wholesome NH. We also learned that this woman has a 90% success rate, which means not many birth mothers are changing their minds and deciding to parent. She only has 12 other couples waiting for a referral and they are all old foggies like us. She thinks, although there are no guarantees, that it would probably take 1 - 1.5 years to complete an adoption (Ethiopia would be one year or less if things go right).

So, since our prior reasons for ruling out domestic adoption are out the window, we are AGAIN looking at the differences between a domestic vs. Ethiopian adoption. We think there are advantages to holding your child the moment she is born, to knowing the health and background of the mother, and it would be less complicated (not better, just less complicated) to have a child who looks like us. We think there would be fewer health risks and there certainly would be less paperwork if we went domestic! All that said, our hearts won't let us forget that we have been truly excited about adopting from Ethiopia. When we started this journey we never thought we would be adopting from Africa but now, three months later, we can't see ourselves not adopting from Africa. We are giving ourselves the weekend to think it over, but here's a video and song by Sarah Groves that says a lot about what we are feeling. This was filmed in Rwanda but it also applies to Ethiopia. (Turn up the volumn and listen to the lyrics. If you are the sentimental type you might want to get the Kleenex!)



I Saw What I  Saw
~by Sara Groves


I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road
Cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
And what I know of love

We've done what we've done and we can't erase it
We are what we are and it's more than enough
We have what we have but it's no substitution

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm made of
And what I know of love

Something on the road
Cut me to the soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction
Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
Ooohhh...
Your dreams inspire
Ooohhh...
Your face a memory
Ooohhh...
Your hope a fire
Ooohhh...

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of
Your courage asks me what I am made of
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of
And what I know of love,
And what I know of God.