The sun came up this morning in spite of our disappointing news yesterday, and it even shines a little brighter today. The punched in the gut feeling has subsided and, although I admit, I am still disappointed and a little weepy, I do find myself looking for the positives.
It’s funny. Before all this started I wouldn’t have described myself as an optimist. I'm much more of a realist really (Mark might have called me a pessimist), but since starting this process I have been extremely optimistic, almost ridiculously so. Yesterday I felt angry at my optimism. I felt like instead of getting positive energy turned into positive action, all it has brought is disappointment after disappointment. But that’s wrong. The outcome would have been the same whether I spent the last year and a half thinking postitive thoughts or negative ones. There is no way to protect your heart from the bumps in the road if they happen. And being optimistic has served a valuable purpose in all of this. It has allowed me to have many moments of joy and peace while waiting for the ultimate joy to come.
I can feel my optimism returning. It would be a shameful waste of precious life to spend the next few months sitting around feeling sorry for myself anyway.
I am also ending the pity party because I know that it is hard for everyone. Doesn’t matter if you have been waiting sixteen months or two months or four years. The waiting is hard and it sucks and that’s about all there is to say about it. And what about how hard it has been for the boys and their birth family? Thirteen months on the wait list, a delayed court process and an unexpected second trip to Ethiopia certainly don’t add up to a fraction of that. Maybe it’s even fitting that our journey to those boys includes pain.
Last night I had twinges of blog post regret. I don’t like posting bad news, especially before I have had a chance to put a bright and shiny spin on it, but then your comments started coming in and I realized, for about the hundredth time, how lucky I feel to have you all out there. In the moment of crushing disappointment it felt like telling you – those who are going through it or who have gone through it themselves and those who are going through it with us – it felt like telling you would make me feel better.
It did.
Thank you for all your words of support. You boosted me up. You kept me afloat. Amazing how a little sympathy and compassion can get a person through a tough night.
Onward…
Showing posts with label The Wait. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Wait. Show all posts
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Not So Wordless Afterall
Well, we got an update from our caseworker today and it's not good news. Apparently they are still waiting for a document from the orphanage in order to complete our file. This means that our case hasn't even been submitted to the courts yet. It's hard to understand why we have been so unlucky with wait times and hard to swallow that after more than 6 months in care already, these boys have more months ahead of them before they have a family. I think I know what a punching bag feels like...
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Changes to the Changes
Our agency sent out a notice this afternoon indicating that the new court date requirements will not effect families who receive court dates prior to April 9th.
We might just squeak through (now that I have gotten all excited about two trips to Ethiopia and seeing the boys sooner than later!).
Of course, we thought we would get our referral five months sooner than we did, so I am not even going to hazard a guess as to when we'll hear about our court date. Que sera, sera.
Of course, we thought we would get our referral five months sooner than we did, so I am not even going to hazard a guess as to when we'll hear about our court date. Que sera, sera.
They also indicated that there are likely more changes coming as everyone digests this news and figures out what it all means.
Hang tight, fellow waiters. Stay tuned, wonderful supporters...your words of encouragement are so very appreciated.
Hang tight, fellow waiters. Stay tuned, wonderful supporters...your words of encouragement are so very appreciated.
(If you have no idea what the heck I'm talking about, read my earlier post below.)
Changes
As many of you have heard, there were big announcements this week concerning adoptions from Ethiopia.
My week started with this notice from the US Department of State announcing a “change in processing time for adoption cases”. A knot of fear the size of a beach ball formed in my gut and I had a meltdown in the car on my way to the office when I called Mark to tell him about it. Tears and fears of the worst kind came pouring out, into and onto the phone, make-up running, sniffles and sobs. Poor Mark!
The next day our agency responded by saying that they don’t perceive this announcement to be a significant change for their families. They have always delivered gobs of paperwork to the US Embassy in Addis Ababa. The embassy has always had the option of investigating further if they found something suspect. This always had the potential to delay the children’s homecoming. We knew all of this but our agency is ethically rock solid, and we haven’t seen anyone experience this type of delay, so we weren’t too worried about it before. Now? Now we want to believe that these new precautions will only impact agencies like this. The knot of fear in my gut only allows me to believe that time will tell.
Then, throwing salt on the wound, the federal courts in Ethiopia announced yesterday that adoptive parents will now have to travel to Addis Ababa to appear in person for their court date. Previously families only traveled one time, once the adoption was finalized. This goes into effect immediately for anyone who doesn't already have a court date, a.k.a us. Doesn't matter that we have been waiting 9 1/2 weeks for our court date. It is anticipated that this new trip will be for approximately 5 days, at which point families will have to return home without their children, and then go back another 3 to 6 weeks later for their embassy appointment. At that point the children will be allowed to enter the United States and we can bring them home. This is assuming the embassy notice mentioned above doesn’t impact anything.
Knot of fear #1, meet knot of fear #2!
What this means for us is that we will most likely (HOPEFULLY) be among the first to do this – the guinea pigs (I'm ok with that). It means significant added expense, and an unexpected week away from work (we'll manage somehow). It means we might have very little notice before getting on a plane to Ethiopia (I'm ok with that too). It means we will get to meet the boys weeks or even months sooner than expected (clearly I am ok with that!), but only for one day and then we will have to leave them in Ethiopia, return home, and wait some more (ugh, ugh, and ugh). It means this knot of fear in my stomach, now the size of one of those exercise balls at the gym, probably isn’t going to go away for a while.
It also, hopefully, means that disreputable agencies will be stopped. That child trafficking will be thwarted. Thatidiots people like this won’t have the chance to adopt children and then return them like a pair of shoes that didn’t fit. This needs to happen, and I think these new measures will help.
Side note: If you are reading this and thinking about adopting from anywhere, DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Find a reputable agency. Read about how hard the transition might be. Think about how much your life is going to change and whether you are ready for that. Find a support group. Understand that your child(ren) will very likely have some condition – medical, emotional, physical, developmental – that you were not aware of or prepared for! These risks apply to biological children too and just like biological children, adopted children are FOREVER. OK, stepping down off the soapbox...
You may have noticed that I am a glass half full kind of girl so here’s the good news...
1. WE GET TO MEET THE TWINS instead of moping around CT waiting to pass court! It’s not like that week was going to be a particularly productive one anyway!! And it might...oh, please, please please...happen soon.
2. WE GET TO EXPERIENCE ETHIOPIA, our beloved adopted country, TWICE! We were already planning to go over early to travel outside of Addis. Now we’ll just go to Addis twice instead. Mark has been sending me links all morning to the things he wants to do and see.
3. This change will also, hopefully, make things easier on the birth family, who wants to meet us and us them, but who would have had to make two long, arduous and heartbreaking trips to Addis – once for court and then again to meet us. Now we will all be there for the court date (hopefully!).
4. We are lucky. We can take the time off from work. We don’t have any children (YET) and the dogs will just have to suck it up at the kennel an extra week. Financially, well, I feel a little woozy about that one but we will figure it out. It won’t be easy but we can do it. We are now grateful (gasp) that we have had two years to save for the unexpected. My heart goes out to the families who will have more of a struggle with these things.
Honestly, I am excited - if I would let myself it would be bouncing off the walls excited - about getting on that plane and meeting those boys sooner than later. I would do it tomorrow if I could.
And finally, all of this really isn’t unexpected. Every time something about this hit the media or the big Ethiopian adoption Yahoo Group, I would get a little breathless with panic, because this is exactly the kind of thing that shut the doors to international adoption in Vietnam and Guatemala. I am grateful that measures are being put in place to manage the unethical practices and hopeful that it means adoptions in Ethiopia can continue for as long as there are children in need of homes.
So...deep breaths. No one said this was going to be easy and since when do Mark and I do things the easy way anyway?
Onward…
P.S. If you are reading this and thinking it would have been nice of me to call you with these developments, please forgive me. I am a little worn out by all of it and thought it would be better to give all the details here. Please don't worry about us. We're tougher than we look!
My week started with this notice from the US Department of State announcing a “change in processing time for adoption cases”. A knot of fear the size of a beach ball formed in my gut and I had a meltdown in the car on my way to the office when I called Mark to tell him about it. Tears and fears of the worst kind came pouring out, into and onto the phone, make-up running, sniffles and sobs. Poor Mark!
The next day our agency responded by saying that they don’t perceive this announcement to be a significant change for their families. They have always delivered gobs of paperwork to the US Embassy in Addis Ababa. The embassy has always had the option of investigating further if they found something suspect. This always had the potential to delay the children’s homecoming. We knew all of this but our agency is ethically rock solid, and we haven’t seen anyone experience this type of delay, so we weren’t too worried about it before. Now? Now we want to believe that these new precautions will only impact agencies like this. The knot of fear in my gut only allows me to believe that time will tell.
Then, throwing salt on the wound, the federal courts in Ethiopia announced yesterday that adoptive parents will now have to travel to Addis Ababa to appear in person for their court date. Previously families only traveled one time, once the adoption was finalized. This goes into effect immediately for anyone who doesn't already have a court date, a.k.a us. Doesn't matter that we have been waiting 9 1/2 weeks for our court date. It is anticipated that this new trip will be for approximately 5 days, at which point families will have to return home without their children, and then go back another 3 to 6 weeks later for their embassy appointment. At that point the children will be allowed to enter the United States and we can bring them home. This is assuming the embassy notice mentioned above doesn’t impact anything.
Knot of fear #1, meet knot of fear #2!
What this means for us is that we will most likely (HOPEFULLY) be among the first to do this – the guinea pigs (I'm ok with that). It means significant added expense, and an unexpected week away from work (we'll manage somehow). It means we might have very little notice before getting on a plane to Ethiopia (I'm ok with that too). It means we will get to meet the boys weeks or even months sooner than expected (clearly I am ok with that!), but only for one day and then we will have to leave them in Ethiopia, return home, and wait some more (ugh, ugh, and ugh). It means this knot of fear in my stomach, now the size of one of those exercise balls at the gym, probably isn’t going to go away for a while.
It also, hopefully, means that disreputable agencies will be stopped. That child trafficking will be thwarted. That
Side note: If you are reading this and thinking about adopting from anywhere, DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Find a reputable agency. Read about how hard the transition might be. Think about how much your life is going to change and whether you are ready for that. Find a support group. Understand that your child(ren) will very likely have some condition – medical, emotional, physical, developmental – that you were not aware of or prepared for! These risks apply to biological children too and just like biological children, adopted children are FOREVER. OK, stepping down off the soapbox...
You may have noticed that I am a glass half full kind of girl so here’s the good news...
1. WE GET TO MEET THE TWINS instead of moping around CT waiting to pass court! It’s not like that week was going to be a particularly productive one anyway!! And it might...oh, please, please please...happen soon.
2. WE GET TO EXPERIENCE ETHIOPIA, our beloved adopted country, TWICE! We were already planning to go over early to travel outside of Addis. Now we’ll just go to Addis twice instead. Mark has been sending me links all morning to the things he wants to do and see.
3. This change will also, hopefully, make things easier on the birth family, who wants to meet us and us them, but who would have had to make two long, arduous and heartbreaking trips to Addis – once for court and then again to meet us. Now we will all be there for the court date (hopefully!).
4. We are lucky. We can take the time off from work. We don’t have any children (YET) and the dogs will just have to suck it up at the kennel an extra week. Financially, well, I feel a little woozy about that one but we will figure it out. It won’t be easy but we can do it. We are now grateful (gasp) that we have had two years to save for the unexpected. My heart goes out to the families who will have more of a struggle with these things.
Honestly, I am excited - if I would let myself it would be bouncing off the walls excited - about getting on that plane and meeting those boys sooner than later. I would do it tomorrow if I could.
And finally, all of this really isn’t unexpected. Every time something about this hit the media or the big Ethiopian adoption Yahoo Group, I would get a little breathless with panic, because this is exactly the kind of thing that shut the doors to international adoption in Vietnam and Guatemala. I am grateful that measures are being put in place to manage the unethical practices and hopeful that it means adoptions in Ethiopia can continue for as long as there are children in need of homes.
So...deep breaths. No one said this was going to be easy and since when do Mark and I do things the easy way anyway?
Onward…
P.S. If you are reading this and thinking it would have been nice of me to call you with these developments, please forgive me. I am a little worn out by all of it and thought it would be better to give all the details here. Please don't worry about us. We're tougher than we look!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Like a Duck
Nine weeks and one day.
It was warm yesterday and I am clinging to hopeful images of spring. Images of the boys planting peas and spinach in the garden with me, or throwing a ball and having it land in the garden. Small hands digging in the dirt, toys littering the yard, running, laughter. I want to grow more laughter in our garden this spring.
In the meantime, I am trying to remember the duck in this poem, and to be a little more like him.
He isn't cold, and he is thinking things over.
He can rest while the Atlantic heaves, because he rests in the Atlantic.
And what does he do, I ask you?
I like the duck.
It was warm yesterday and I am clinging to hopeful images of spring. Images of the boys planting peas and spinach in the garden with me, or throwing a ball and having it land in the garden. Small hands digging in the dirt, toys littering the yard, running, laughter. I want to grow more laughter in our garden this spring.
In the meantime, I am trying to remember the duck in this poem, and to be a little more like him.
The Duck
by Donald Babcock
Now we're ready to look at something pretty special.
It is a duck, riding the ocean a hundred feet beyond the surf.
No it isn't a gull. A gull always has a raucous touch about him.
This is some sort of duck, and he cuddles in the swells.
It is a duck, riding the ocean a hundred feet beyond the surf.
No it isn't a gull. A gull always has a raucous touch about him.
This is some sort of duck, and he cuddles in the swells.
He isn't cold, and he is thinking things over.
There is a big heaving in the Atlantic, and he is a part of it.
He looks a bit like a mandarin, or the Lord Buddha meditating under the Bo tree.
But he has hardly enough above the eyes to be a philosopher.
He has poise, however, which is what philosophers must have.
He can rest while the Atlantic heaves, because he rests in the Atlantic.
Probably he doesn't know how large the ocean is.
And neither do you.
But he realizes it.
But he realizes it.
And what does he do, I ask you?
He sits down in it!
He reposes in the immediate as if it were infinity — which it is.
He has made himself a part of the boundless by easing himself into just where it touches him.
He reposes in the immediate as if it were infinity — which it is.
He has made himself a part of the boundless by easing himself into just where it touches him.
I like the duck.
He doesn't know much.
But he's got religion.
But he's got religion.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Music Therapy
See the World
by Gomez
Day to day
Where do you want to be?
cose now you're trying to pick a fight
With everyone you need
You seem like a soldier
Who's lost his composure
You're wounded and playing a waiting game
In no-man's land no-one's to blame
See the world
Find an old fashioned girl
And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want
Empty handed, surrounded by a senseless scene
With nothing of significance
Besides a shadow of a dream
You sound like an old joke
You're worn-out, a bit broke
An' askin me time and time again
When the answer's still the same
See the world
Find an old fashioned girl
And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want
You've got a chance to put things right
So how's it going to be?
Lay down your arms now
And put us beyond doubt
So reach out it's not too far away
Don't mess around now, don't delay
See the world
Find an old fashioned girl
And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Eight Weeks One Day
Pediatrician, check!
Preschool, check!
My latest project is painting all the white trim in the house, this song made me tear up at the gym this morning, and I have lost the ability to write anything intelligible on this blog.
Come on court date!!!
Preschool, check!
My latest project is painting all the white trim in the house, this song made me tear up at the gym this morning, and I have lost the ability to write anything intelligible on this blog.
Come on court date!!!
Taking You Home
by Don Henley
I had a good life
Before you came
I had my friends and my freedom
I had my name
Still there was sorrow and emptiness
'Til you made me glad
Oh, in this love I found strength I never knew I had
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you home
There were days, lonely days
When the world wouldn't throw me a crumb
But I kept on believing
That this day would come
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you—home
Where we can be with the ones who really care
Home, where we can grow together
Keep you in my heart forever
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, child
I'm taking you home
Taking you home
Saturday, February 20, 2010
One Step Closer
As most of you know, international adoption requires an inordinate amount of paperwork gathering, paperwork authenticating and unfortunately for some, paperwork updating.
When we started this process back in, oh, the last decade (ok, 20 months ago) the average wait times were estimated to be only 3 - 5 months so I didn't think we would have to cross this bridge of expiring documents. As it turns out, most of it hasn't been all that bad, but the timing has been somewhat nerve wracking. You can't update things in advance like I would have preferred so it's all going on now and I have had a few sleepless nights worrying that things won't happen in time, which would delay our ability to get these boys home.
Our recent challenge has been getting our CIS fingerprints updated. I sent in the request for our fingerprinting appointments as soon as we were allowed to, back in early November. Eleven days later we received our appointment date and all seemed to go smoothly when we showed up for our appointment on December 16th . But then we waited...and waited...our original fingerprints expired and still we waited. It only took two weeks for them to process our prints last year, and that timeframe included the Thanksgiving holiday, so when we hadn't heard anything after six weeks I started to get worried.
I tried emailing them...
Nothing.
I tried emailing them again with "URGENT PLEA FOR ASSISTANCE" in the subject line and an explanation that we had received our referral, were expected to travel to Addis soon, and that this delay could impact our ability to bring these children home...
Still nothing.
I got our case worker in on the act and she emailed them, and a week later emailed them again...
Still nothing!
On Thursday, Kristin (our case worker) and I emailed back and forth about it. I asked if she thought it would help if I physically showed up at their offices in Hartford. She said it might. I asked if she knew the address. She sent me the address and I replied to say that I would drive up there the next day. I hit send and low and behold, while we had been emailing back and forth, CIS had emailed Kristin to say that our prints had just been processed!
PHEW! And what crazy timing but mostly just phew! It will still take about a month for them to make their way to Addis Ababa so this really happened just in time.
The moral of the story? Don't be afraid to get your stalk on!
In spite of all this, I have been surprisingly at peace with this stage of the wait. I know it is the hardest part for most people, but we waited so long for our referral and those last two months were full of so much uncertainty, that this feels like a walk in the park. Something about seeing the boys' faces has made us feel like everything is going to be ok. And we have been overwhelmingly blessed with pictures and videos from traveling families, so we know that they are doing alright and are being well cared for.
Monday marks the completion of seven weeks waiting for our court date. The boys have gotten cuter and we have fallen more in love with every passing day. I have been trying hard not to think too much about our court date. Trying hard not to do what I did when waiting for our referral and get my hopes up too early. Trying really hard.
But I do hope it's soon...I do hope so, I do...
When we started this process back in, oh, the last decade (ok, 20 months ago) the average wait times were estimated to be only 3 - 5 months so I didn't think we would have to cross this bridge of expiring documents. As it turns out, most of it hasn't been all that bad, but the timing has been somewhat nerve wracking. You can't update things in advance like I would have preferred so it's all going on now and I have had a few sleepless nights worrying that things won't happen in time, which would delay our ability to get these boys home.
Our recent challenge has been getting our CIS fingerprints updated. I sent in the request for our fingerprinting appointments as soon as we were allowed to, back in early November. Eleven days later we received our appointment date and all seemed to go smoothly when we showed up for our appointment on December 16th . But then we waited...and waited...our original fingerprints expired and still we waited. It only took two weeks for them to process our prints last year, and that timeframe included the Thanksgiving holiday, so when we hadn't heard anything after six weeks I started to get worried.
I tried emailing them...
Nothing.
I tried emailing them again with "URGENT PLEA FOR ASSISTANCE" in the subject line and an explanation that we had received our referral, were expected to travel to Addis soon, and that this delay could impact our ability to bring these children home...
Still nothing.
I got our case worker in on the act and she emailed them, and a week later emailed them again...
Still nothing!
On Thursday, Kristin (our case worker) and I emailed back and forth about it. I asked if she thought it would help if I physically showed up at their offices in Hartford. She said it might. I asked if she knew the address. She sent me the address and I replied to say that I would drive up there the next day. I hit send and low and behold, while we had been emailing back and forth, CIS had emailed Kristin to say that our prints had just been processed!
PHEW! And what crazy timing but mostly just phew! It will still take about a month for them to make their way to Addis Ababa so this really happened just in time.
The moral of the story? Don't be afraid to get your stalk on!
In spite of all this, I have been surprisingly at peace with this stage of the wait. I know it is the hardest part for most people, but we waited so long for our referral and those last two months were full of so much uncertainty, that this feels like a walk in the park. Something about seeing the boys' faces has made us feel like everything is going to be ok. And we have been overwhelmingly blessed with pictures and videos from traveling families, so we know that they are doing alright and are being well cared for.
Monday marks the completion of seven weeks waiting for our court date. The boys have gotten cuter and we have fallen more in love with every passing day. I have been trying hard not to think too much about our court date. Trying hard not to do what I did when waiting for our referral and get my hopes up too early. Trying really hard.
But I do hope it's soon...I do hope so, I do...
Sunday, February 14, 2010
A Dream
I had a particularly vivid dream about the boys last week. I was standing in our living room. The furniture was different than it really is, you know the way dreams do that. The boys were sitting on the couch in front of me.
I just stood there looking at them for a while, thinking about how gorgeous and sweet they are. Suddenly I realized that they would hear me if I started singing. I picked up a stuffed rabbit off the floor and started singing Little Rabbit Foo-Foo
(*Needle scratching on record sound*
I learned that song as a child at summer camp but I have NO IDEA why my subconscious mind chose it. Although it will be a great song to sing with them in a few years when they are a little older, it would not be my choice now! Anyway, back to the dream...)
They started singing along and I couldn't believe that they knew the words.
And then I realized that if I wanted to I could also hold them. All I had to do was walk around the coffee table and sit down on the couch. They climbed onto my lap and then…
The alarm went off!
Hoping some day soon all this is more than just a dream. Tomorrow marks six weeks waiting for our court date...
Happy Valentine's Day!
I just stood there looking at them for a while, thinking about how gorgeous and sweet they are. Suddenly I realized that they would hear me if I started singing. I picked up a stuffed rabbit off the floor and started singing Little Rabbit Foo-Foo
(*Needle scratching on record sound*
I learned that song as a child at summer camp but I have NO IDEA why my subconscious mind chose it. Although it will be a great song to sing with them in a few years when they are a little older, it would not be my choice now! Anyway, back to the dream...)
They started singing along and I couldn't believe that they knew the words.
And then I realized that if I wanted to I could also hold them. All I had to do was walk around the coffee table and sit down on the couch. They climbed onto my lap and then…
The alarm went off!
Hoping some day soon all this is more than just a dream. Tomorrow marks six weeks waiting for our court date...
Happy Valentine's Day!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The Meaning of Things
I am one of those people who like to find meaning in things. It makes me feel like I’m on the right path, like there is some purpose or divine destiny to this life. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t, but it makes me feel good to think so and I swear I can feel it in my bones sometimes. I think it would be really hard to ride the roller coaster of adoption without this belief.
Since we started our adoption lots of things have come together to allow me to connect dots in meaningful ways. Like, for instance, the overwhelming feeling for the past two and a half decades that a big piece of my puzzle was in Africa. I wrote about it on all of my college applications back in, ahem, 1986. For a long time I thought it was the Peace Corps calling. A decade ago I ushered in the millennium on the shores of South Africa thinking very seriously about packing it all in to move there. Ultimately all of those ideas felt close, but somehow not quite right. This adoption feels right. Really really right. Like it is the path I searched for all those years. I feel lucky to feel this way.
I think a lot lately about whether there is some meaning behind all this waiting. We are still hoping to find out that the specific sibling pair we heard about seven weeks ago will be referred to us. When we first learned of these children we were told that they would be slightly outside our age preference. “Slightly” was estimated to be one or two months older than we had requested. Over the past seven weeks that estimate has increased, and then increased again, and then again. “Slightly outside our age preference” now means 13 months outside it.
But just as I felt called to Africa, so do I feel called to parent these children, even though they are not the ages we thought they would be. When I look closely at what has been in my heart all these many months I can see that most of the literature I’ve read, the stories that have deeply moved me, and many of the blogs that I follow religiously are about preschool age adoptions. That is not to say that it wasn’t a process getting here - to a place where I could let go of that infant I thought we would have - but I’m here now. I feel lucky to feel this way too.
Now if we could only just see their little faces...
Since we started our adoption lots of things have come together to allow me to connect dots in meaningful ways. Like, for instance, the overwhelming feeling for the past two and a half decades that a big piece of my puzzle was in Africa. I wrote about it on all of my college applications back in, ahem, 1986. For a long time I thought it was the Peace Corps calling. A decade ago I ushered in the millennium on the shores of South Africa thinking very seriously about packing it all in to move there. Ultimately all of those ideas felt close, but somehow not quite right. This adoption feels right. Really really right. Like it is the path I searched for all those years. I feel lucky to feel this way.
I think a lot lately about whether there is some meaning behind all this waiting. We are still hoping to find out that the specific sibling pair we heard about seven weeks ago will be referred to us. When we first learned of these children we were told that they would be slightly outside our age preference. “Slightly” was estimated to be one or two months older than we had requested. Over the past seven weeks that estimate has increased, and then increased again, and then again. “Slightly outside our age preference” now means 13 months outside it.
But just as I felt called to Africa, so do I feel called to parent these children, even though they are not the ages we thought they would be. When I look closely at what has been in my heart all these many months I can see that most of the literature I’ve read, the stories that have deeply moved me, and many of the blogs that I follow religiously are about preschool age adoptions. That is not to say that it wasn’t a process getting here - to a place where I could let go of that infant I thought we would have - but I’m here now. I feel lucky to feel this way too.
Now if we could only just see their little faces...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
On Joy and Sorrow
Lately some of you have been saying the nicest darn things. I have been moved to tears (the good kind) by comments and posts from some of you, many of whom I have never even met, and it must be said that I appreciate your support so very much. It really does help.
A few of you have mentioned how strong I seem, which makes me realize that I have only been telling you half the story. The nice thing about the internet is that I only have to write when I am feeling positive. I only have to show you things like yummy food and cute hand knit toys. What I don’t show you are the dust bunnies piling up in the corners when I would rather spend way too much time on the internet seeking wisdom from others, or researching adoption, Ethiopia, or transracial parenting because sometimes these are the only things I can think about. Some days I do feel strong, but other days I am grieving. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Map a day to a stage and you have a pretty good picture of what a week feels like for me right now!
But, over the past 17 months, I have watched other families go through a lot worse than waiting 12+ months for a referral, and that gives me perspective. I watched those families in awe of their strength and in fear of becoming one of them – one of the unfortunate who got hung up somewhere in the process (some of you are probably feeling the same as you read this). I thought if that happened to us I would be a complete and utter mess but here I am, one of “them”, and I am not a mess. Life goes on. Hope and maternal instinct are incredibly powerful motivators. And that old adage, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”…well, it’s true. Even though we don't feel strong every day, Mark and I are stronger as individuals and the roots of our marriage have grown deeper and more intertwined because of this experience. I cannot think of a better way to prepare our hearts and our home for two children who are undoubtedly experiencing some pretty tough stuff themselves right now. And, of course being the eternal optimist, I think that the happiness that awaits us will surly outweigh the challenges of the past few months.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I may not always be strong, but what I am is hopeful. What I hope for (oh, please let it be so) is that 2010 brings us, and each and every one of you, much joy!
Happy holidays!
Love,
Heidi
On Joy And Sorrow
Kahlil Gibran
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
A few of you have mentioned how strong I seem, which makes me realize that I have only been telling you half the story. The nice thing about the internet is that I only have to write when I am feeling positive. I only have to show you things like yummy food and cute hand knit toys. What I don’t show you are the dust bunnies piling up in the corners when I would rather spend way too much time on the internet seeking wisdom from others, or researching adoption, Ethiopia, or transracial parenting because sometimes these are the only things I can think about. Some days I do feel strong, but other days I am grieving. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Map a day to a stage and you have a pretty good picture of what a week feels like for me right now!
But, over the past 17 months, I have watched other families go through a lot worse than waiting 12+ months for a referral, and that gives me perspective. I watched those families in awe of their strength and in fear of becoming one of them – one of the unfortunate who got hung up somewhere in the process (some of you are probably feeling the same as you read this). I thought if that happened to us I would be a complete and utter mess but here I am, one of “them”, and I am not a mess. Life goes on. Hope and maternal instinct are incredibly powerful motivators. And that old adage, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”…well, it’s true. Even though we don't feel strong every day, Mark and I are stronger as individuals and the roots of our marriage have grown deeper and more intertwined because of this experience. I cannot think of a better way to prepare our hearts and our home for two children who are undoubtedly experiencing some pretty tough stuff themselves right now. And, of course being the eternal optimist, I think that the happiness that awaits us will surly outweigh the challenges of the past few months.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I may not always be strong, but what I am is hopeful. What I hope for (oh, please let it be so) is that 2010 brings us, and each and every one of you, much joy!
Happy holidays!
Love,
Heidi
On Joy And Sorrow
Kahlil Gibran
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Saturday Night at Our House
A little light reading (!)...
Nitter Kebbeh and Berbere
and Mesir Wat. YUM!
Follow the links if you want the recipes for these delicious dishes!
Our first SNOW of the season!
And now our favorite Christmas movie.
Ah, life is good...and about to get even better :)
Sunday, November 29, 2009
My One Wild and Precious Life
First, a belated Happy Thanksgiving to all! Here are a few things I am thankful for...
This guy...
And these guys...
And the little guys or gals that will some day wear these. Truly, I am so thankful that life has led us to adoption.
And, of course, I am thankful for all of you!
I found myself feeling not only thankful but actually quite grateful for the long holiday weekend and took it as an opportunity to step away from the internet, the phone and all fantasies of getting the call. Four days without even the possibility of that call was not only refreshing but it made me realize that I have become a little too consumed with all this waiting, resulting in a tendency to live in my head and in the future instead of the here and now. My Thanksgiving Resolution (maybe this one will stick better than the New Year's kind!) is to not waste these next few months of waiting merely waiting, but rather living in the present where I have so much to be thankful for :)
The Summer Day
by Mary Oliver
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Monday, November 16, 2009
Game in Overtime
In one week we will unofficially hold the record for the longest referral wait time with our agency. Needless to say, this is not the record we were looking to break! I also had a conversation with our case worker last week that left me feeling like our referral isn’t right around the corner either.
Sigh.
All I can say are things I have said before:
1. This will be worth the wait.
2. All this waiting will be forgotten, or at least become a distant memory, some day.
3. Most importantly, I believe that when you become a parent, it ceases to be about you and it becomes about them. In my heart I have been mother to these children for months and whatever I am feeling pales in comparison to the profound loss that is occurring in their young lives.
I can also say that I have complete faith in Gladney. I know that they are working ethically and in our best interest – a tough balancing act that some agencies don’t manage very well. They always told us that being matched with a young sibling pair could take time, and they were right. We think it will be worth the wait. We think this will all make sense some day. We think that what we are feeling pales in comparison...ok, ok, you get the idea.
All this waiting has also allowed me to meet some of the most incredible people. I don't know what it is about this adoption community, but you folks are amazing. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your support! And with that said, I am off to meet up with this person. I know, some of you are jealous. And, yes, she is as cool in person as she sounds on her blog!!
Sigh.
All I can say are things I have said before:
1. This will be worth the wait.
2. All this waiting will be forgotten, or at least become a distant memory, some day.
3. Most importantly, I believe that when you become a parent, it ceases to be about you and it becomes about them. In my heart I have been mother to these children for months and whatever I am feeling pales in comparison to the profound loss that is occurring in their young lives.
I can also say that I have complete faith in Gladney. I know that they are working ethically and in our best interest – a tough balancing act that some agencies don’t manage very well. They always told us that being matched with a young sibling pair could take time, and they were right. We think it will be worth the wait. We think this will all make sense some day. We think that what we are feeling pales in comparison...ok, ok, you get the idea.
All this waiting has also allowed me to meet some of the most incredible people. I don't know what it is about this adoption community, but you folks are amazing. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your support! And with that said, I am off to meet up with this person. I know, some of you are jealous. And, yes, she is as cool in person as she sounds on her blog!!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Number 11
“In the mockumentary This Is Spinal Tap, Spinal Tap’s amplifiers go up to eleven.” ~Tehehe. I might be getting old but the silly humor in that movie never does.
“Number Eleven possesses the qualities of intuition, patience, honesty, sensitivity, spirituality, and idealism.” ~Uh, OK, I like those qualities. I’ll go with that.
“Eleven's colours are Gold, Salmon, Prune, White and Black.” ~Huh? Ok, well, worn all together you’d look like a Solid Gold Dancer, but Prune has potential. Maybe I was wrong about my lucky green blazer. There must be something Prune in my closet that I can obsess over...
“Being only one hour before 12:00 midnight, the eleventh hour means the last possible moment to take care of something.” ~All too familiar with that concept…
“The number eleven is important in numerology, as it is the first of the Master Numbers.” ~I don’t know what that means, but it sounds important.
“In Astrology, Aquarius is the 11th astrological sign of the Zodiac.” ~I’m an Aquarius, and furthermore, I was born on the 11th day of that month!
AND today is the 11th day of the 11th month and it marks our completion of 11 months on the wait list! Do-do-do-do....do-do-do-do....do-do-do-do (think Twilight Zone)…
Come on ELEVEN! Pretty please be our lucky number!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Finding My Heart
 |
| August 2002 |
Mark and I had only been together a couple months when we first discussed our desire to adopt. It was a warm summer evening and we were sitting on my Dad's dock in Maine, drinking beer and getting to know each other. The topic of being raised by adoptive fathers came up - something Mark and I share in common - and it led to a discussion about building our own family through adoption some day.
Clearly we were falling in love quickly if we were on that topic already, but that's another story!
Fast forward 6 years and for a variety of reasons we had not taken action on our dream. I had done a few internet searches here and there but always came away overwhelmed and no closer to knowing how or where to begin. Then one day my mother sent me an email. It was just a "hi, how are you" type of email but in it she mentioned that she was doing something with The Order of Malta for St. Charles.
I had no idea what the Order of Malta was and had to Google it. It’s interesting - you can read about it here. St. Charles is a Group Home in the town where I grew up. My mother was always encouraging me to bring those kids home after school, which I did once in a while, but I don't think I wanted to and I definitely didn't understand why she wanted me to.
If I could rewind the clock I would bring those kids home every day and I wouldn't be so jealous when it seemed like all they wanted to do was steal my mother's affections.
I don't know what it was about that day, but the thought of St. Charles made me very emotional. When I went to their website the tears started flowing and I kept thinking, "I want to adopt!". I ended up spending the better part of the day researching the myriad of options surrounding adoption. This time I didn't come away overwhelmed by choices but rather overwhelmed by clarity, emotion and a certainty that this was something I wanted to do. I expected resistance from Mark but when I blurted out "I think we should get serious about adopting" there wasn't an ounce of hesitation in his "OK". I have pursued this dream like a woman on fire ever since.
There is a passage in Josh and Amy Bottomly's book, "From Ashes to Africa", that I just love. It talks about how "any time art touches your life with tears, whether through a story, song, film or painting, it is wise to pay attention to those tears because they might just help you find your heart...".
So, ok, this sequence of events wasn’t exactly art, but it was most definitely my tears that helped me find my heart and see what was inside it.
Fast forward another 17 months and that takes us to the present. Yesterday my mother sent me another "hi, how are you" email mentioning St. Charles and The Order of Malta. It is the first time she has mentioned either since the day that set this whole thing in motion. I, for one, think it would be rather fitting and pretty cool to have this be the week that we finally get to see the faces of the little ones who were born in our hearts so long ago...
(Note: Although we did not see their faces for another several weeks, the day after I wrote this we did get a call from our case worker asking us if we were open to twins and open to upping our age range in order to pursue them!)
Monday, November 2, 2009
Music Clip Monday
Answer ~by Sarah McLachlan
I will be the answer at the end of the line
I will be there for you while you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty, I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance if you can't look down
If it takes my whole life, I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it, worth it in the end
Because I can only tell you what I know, that I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out you'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a, a place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes my whole life, I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it, worth it in the end
Because I can only tell you what I know, that I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out you'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Friday, October 23, 2009
Rainbows and Unicorns
A friend told me yesterday that they saw my Wordless Wednesday post and thought it was "so sad". Sad? Oh no! No sad!
First of all, there was a TON of happy news this week. Lots of people, whom we have grown to love and care about over the past several months, received court dates or passed court this week. We are overjoyed for these families! And we hope to get our referral in time for some of these wonderful people to give hugs and take pictures of our children when they travel. We also think that all the positive activity this week is a good sign. Things are moving and shaking again after a slow, quiet rainy season and we are lovin’ it!
That said…I will admit that after 10 months, 1 week, and 5 days…the second longest referral wait time in the history of the FBI list…it is not just rainbows and unicorns, daffodils and daisies, hand knit teddy bears and cute fur babies around here. Sometimes there is also longing, frustration, exhaustion, moping, feeling sorry for one’s self, not to mention weird superstitious thoughts like, “If I wear my awesome green blazer today we will get the call”. I have also developed a fear/love for going to the bathroom because I am convinced that the call will come when I am thus indisposed. Yeah, I know. You try waiting for an important call this long and see if you don’t get just a tad neurotic too!
But we are not sad. No, no, no. Those little teddy bears waiting to be loved might be sad, and my pug who wanted me to get back into bed instead of leaving for work was indeed sad, but we are not. We are on the precipice of something AMAZING. Something BEAUTIFUL and amazing!! AND IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN VERY SOON!
Sorry, no shouting.
Off to a meeting in my lucky green blazer...
First of all, there was a TON of happy news this week. Lots of people, whom we have grown to love and care about over the past several months, received court dates or passed court this week. We are overjoyed for these families! And we hope to get our referral in time for some of these wonderful people to give hugs and take pictures of our children when they travel. We also think that all the positive activity this week is a good sign. Things are moving and shaking again after a slow, quiet rainy season and we are lovin’ it!
That said…I will admit that after 10 months, 1 week, and 5 days…the second longest referral wait time in the history of the FBI list…it is not just rainbows and unicorns, daffodils and daisies, hand knit teddy bears and cute fur babies around here. Sometimes there is also longing, frustration, exhaustion, moping, feeling sorry for one’s self, not to mention weird superstitious thoughts like, “If I wear my awesome green blazer today we will get the call”. I have also developed a fear/love for going to the bathroom because I am convinced that the call will come when I am thus indisposed. Yeah, I know. You try waiting for an important call this long and see if you don’t get just a tad neurotic too!
But we are not sad. No, no, no. Those little teddy bears waiting to be loved might be sad, and my pug who wanted me to get back into bed instead of leaving for work was indeed sad, but we are not. We are on the precipice of something AMAZING. Something BEAUTIFUL and amazing!! AND IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN VERY SOON!
Sorry, no shouting.
Off to a meeting in my lucky green blazer...
Monday, October 12, 2009
10 Months Down...
...and still feeling strong! Mark and I were checking in with each other at dinner on Friday night and even after completing ten months on the wait list, we both agree that we cannot complain about this wait. Being patient is challenging, sure, but we think what lies on the other side of this is so wonderful and so worth waiting for.We are also acutely aware of the loss that is occurring in our children's and their birth family's lives. In light of that awareness any feelings of impatience just seem selfish and trivial. We are praying double time for everyone who is connected to our adoption...people half way around the world, whom we may never even know, but whose lives will be connected to ours forever. We hope that our children are healthy and happy and already in Gladney's care...and we know in our hearts that we will see their little faces when the timing is right.
“Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope.” ~Corazon Aquino quotes (Political leader and president (1986-92) of the Philippines, b.1933)
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Resilience
I have mentioned a time or two that I have found this long wait to be rewarding in unexpected ways.
One way has been the unforeseen network of amazing people that have come into my life - some of whom I see regularly, some occasionally, and others only via the internet but who nonetheless have become friends. All of you and all your support has been invaluable to me.
Another important benefit has been the opportunity to further develop my skills at being resilient.
Resilience is defined as both the ability to adapt to difficult situations and the ability to discover new opportunities for personal growth in the face of adversity. It is the art of bouncing back, adapting to change, and handling stressful situations with a positive outlook. People who are resilient still feel the same things that everybody else feels but they find ways to remain optimistic and to persevere.
The world of international adoption has offered me some amazing role models in this skill over the past year. Anyone who has followed this family, or this family, or the D. Family (no blog but personal friends of ours) knows what I am talking about.
A year ago, overwhelmed with all the things that could potentially go wrong with our adoption, I wondered how I would ever remain optimistic and hopeful. But here I am, five days shy of ten months on the wait list, feeling optimistic and hopeful. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments when I feel all sorts of yucky emotions, but they are fleeting and I have developed strategies for coping with them (that don't include potato chips, chocolate or ice cream!).
I recently came across 5 Quick Tips for Building Your Resiliency Right Now, by Joni S. Mantell, LCSW, Director of Infertility and Adoption Counseling Center. Thought some of you might find this helpful so I paraphrase the key points below. You can read the unabridged version here.
1. Get Connected.
Absolutely nothing helps more with adversity and stress than to feel the support and validation of people who understand and/or care about you. Find a way to communicate. Essentially you will want to build a web of connectedness. You may find your support within your relationship, with a friend, a counselor or in a support group; and most likely you will get something from each of these sources at different times.
2. Take care of yourself.
Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally. This includes participating in activities and with people you enjoy or trying something new, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep and eating well. And if you need to, take a mental health break from obligatory social activities that upset you because your feelings about not having a baby get stirred up. This is a normal reaction to your difficult situation. Remember this is temporary and that you will not always need to do this, so it's ok to avoid uncomfortable social situations for awhile.
3. Remember that laughter is always the best medicine.
Use humor and laughter whenever you can. Remaining positive or finding humor in distressing or stressful situations does not mean you are in denial. Humor is a helpful coping mechanism. If you simply cannot find humor in your situation, turn to other sources for a laugh, such as a funny book, movie or friend. File this tip under "distraction is a necessity."
4. Work toward your goals.
All you really have to do is take one step at a time. Resilient people keep learning and trying even when they feel upset. The answers will reveal themselves even if you do not or cannot know what they are at this point in time.
5. Learn how to make decisions when under stress.
A resilient person is an individual facing serious difficulties that accepts them as a pivotal moment. Whatever brought you to this point of needing to become more resilient, may actually turn out to be the same thing that leads you to gain a new appreciation for life, for your relationships and your personal capacities to handle stress, solve problems and make sound decisions. Try to be proud of yourself and keep moving on.
So feel proud and keep writing, or talking to your families and friends, or leaving comments on stranger’s blogs if that’s your thing (I love all you commenters!). Onward brave adoption soldiers! Every day brings us one day closer to our babies!
One way has been the unforeseen network of amazing people that have come into my life - some of whom I see regularly, some occasionally, and others only via the internet but who nonetheless have become friends. All of you and all your support has been invaluable to me.
Another important benefit has been the opportunity to further develop my skills at being resilient.
Resilience is defined as both the ability to adapt to difficult situations and the ability to discover new opportunities for personal growth in the face of adversity. It is the art of bouncing back, adapting to change, and handling stressful situations with a positive outlook. People who are resilient still feel the same things that everybody else feels but they find ways to remain optimistic and to persevere.
The world of international adoption has offered me some amazing role models in this skill over the past year. Anyone who has followed this family, or this family, or the D. Family (no blog but personal friends of ours) knows what I am talking about.
A year ago, overwhelmed with all the things that could potentially go wrong with our adoption, I wondered how I would ever remain optimistic and hopeful. But here I am, five days shy of ten months on the wait list, feeling optimistic and hopeful. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments when I feel all sorts of yucky emotions, but they are fleeting and I have developed strategies for coping with them (that don't include potato chips, chocolate or ice cream!).
I recently came across 5 Quick Tips for Building Your Resiliency Right Now, by Joni S. Mantell, LCSW, Director of Infertility and Adoption Counseling Center. Thought some of you might find this helpful so I paraphrase the key points below. You can read the unabridged version here.
1. Get Connected.
Absolutely nothing helps more with adversity and stress than to feel the support and validation of people who understand and/or care about you. Find a way to communicate. Essentially you will want to build a web of connectedness. You may find your support within your relationship, with a friend, a counselor or in a support group; and most likely you will get something from each of these sources at different times.
2. Take care of yourself.
Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally. This includes participating in activities and with people you enjoy or trying something new, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep and eating well. And if you need to, take a mental health break from obligatory social activities that upset you because your feelings about not having a baby get stirred up. This is a normal reaction to your difficult situation. Remember this is temporary and that you will not always need to do this, so it's ok to avoid uncomfortable social situations for awhile.
3. Remember that laughter is always the best medicine.
Use humor and laughter whenever you can. Remaining positive or finding humor in distressing or stressful situations does not mean you are in denial. Humor is a helpful coping mechanism. If you simply cannot find humor in your situation, turn to other sources for a laugh, such as a funny book, movie or friend. File this tip under "distraction is a necessity."
4. Work toward your goals.
All you really have to do is take one step at a time. Resilient people keep learning and trying even when they feel upset. The answers will reveal themselves even if you do not or cannot know what they are at this point in time.
5. Learn how to make decisions when under stress.
A resilient person is an individual facing serious difficulties that accepts them as a pivotal moment. Whatever brought you to this point of needing to become more resilient, may actually turn out to be the same thing that leads you to gain a new appreciation for life, for your relationships and your personal capacities to handle stress, solve problems and make sound decisions. Try to be proud of yourself and keep moving on.
So feel proud and keep writing, or talking to your families and friends, or leaving comments on stranger’s blogs if that’s your thing (I love all you commenters!). Onward brave adoption soldiers! Every day brings us one day closer to our babies!
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