New Court Date (Sort of)

Soooooo, I spoke with our case worker this afternoon. She said that if the relinquishing family member has been able to resolve her ID issue, then our case will be heard again tomorrow.

As in, TOMORROW.

That is one big giant if, though, folks. I think it highly unlikely that there has been enough time for her to travel all the way back to her region (a full day if not two days of traveling), obtain a new ID (not exactly like going down to the DMV), and travel all the way back to Addis Ababa in time to appear in court tomorrow. It's possible, but I think highly unlikely.

Nonetheless, I am again expecting a call from our caseworker between the hours of 12 and 3 PM tomorrow. I am hoping for at least an update as to where things stand with that pesky ID.

This person, on the other hand, has a very real shot at passing court tomorrow and this person has a court date on Thursday! I have not given up hope that I will meet these lovely ladies in Ethiopia soon. Please send them your well wishes!

"The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse."

Helen Keller

Progress

It has been four and a half months since we first heard about the twins. I was in the Philadelphia train station at the time, waiting to dial into a conference call. Just as I was about to dial, a call with our agency's area code came in. We had been waiting 11 months for our referral, a record with our agency as far as we could tell, so of course I answered it.

If you have been following for a while you might remember that we received a call before THE call. I didn't give a lot of detail about this call back then because nothing was certain, and I didn't think it was right to blog about it in case things fell through. This was that call. Our case worker wanted to tell me about 14 month old twin boys who might become available in a month or two, which would make them a couple months outside our age preference at time of referral. She wanted to know if we were interested in changing our age preference in order to pursue these boys.

I was so choked up when I heard "14 month old twin boys" that I could barely speak and "it's them!" kept running through my mind. You see, at the end of July last year, when we thought our referral would be any day, a good friend from Seattle came to visit. For kicks (or more likely to humor me as I was obsessed with getting the call at that point!) we wrote predictions on our chalk board. Months later, when we still did not have our referral, I erased those predictions in a moment of superstitious frustration, but I will never forget what I wrote.

"14 month old twin boys"

It wasn't a prediction. It was a wish, a prayer.

In the time that transpired between that call and our referral, the boys started to blossom. We weren't allowed to learn about their background or see pictures of them yet, but we were told that they were gaining weight. They started walking. They began speaking Amharic, which was not their first language. As these developments occurred, Gladney's doctor continued to monitor them, and to amend his age estimation. The boys went from 14 months to 19 months to 23 months to 28 months old in the two months it took to get our referral together. This was a difficult time for me, as I mourned the loss of all those months I thought I would have with them. We could have changed our minds at any point, waited for a match that was closer to or within our original age preference, but we felt deeply that these were our boys no matter their age. With a coincidence like the one mentioned above, you can probably see why! I often wonder how much divine intervention went into how all this played out, to help me get used to the idea of them being older than I initially planned.

The amazing thing, and one of the advantages of waiting a long time, is that I have had the chance to connect with many wonderful women. Lots of these women have since traveled to bring their own children home and they have taken pictures and videos of the boys for us. Someone at work the other day commented that I might have more pictures of these boys than he has of his own children, and he's probably right! We even have pictures of them all the way back to the very first day they arrived at Gladney's care center six months ago (thank you, Emily & Monique!) and every month in between (thank you all!). We know why they were initially thought to be 14 months old, and we have seen their remarkable growth and development unfold in front of our eyes thanks to these generous women.

The latest of these gifts arrived in my inbox on Thursday. It is a video of the boys taken by Gayla last week. The boys are hanging out, sitting in a chair with one of the care takers, wearing the outfits we sent over a few weeks ago. Since we can't post their names until they are legally ours, I will call them Dg and Dr. Dg looks content, Dr looks uncertain, as he often does on the days that families tour the care centers. Gayla comes in closer and Dg smiles up at her, starts to wave and then -- HE SPEAKS! Clear as day he says, "Hi, Mommy!", and then he says it again! Then Dr says it too, but quietly, almost a whisper.

"Hi, Mommy"

I nearly fell out of my chair the first time I heard it! They are just as we imagined - one outspoken, one soft spoken, both too precious for words. The sound of their voices is sweeter than I could have imagined.

I was in the Philadelphia train station again this week. I don't think I will ever be able to step foot in that building without a flood of memories. The memory of joining my conference call late but just in time for my portion of the call. The memory of being surprised at how calm and together I sounded in spite of the fact that I was pacing around that big room like a crazy person because an instant before, my life had completely changed. I called Mark while standing in line to board my train, surrounded by men in suits, blubbering the news into the phone (do we see a trend here?!).

These boys were a dream come true when we thought they were 14 months old, and they are our prayers answered at 31 months old. It still breaks my heart to be missing so many months of their lives, but I know that there is a lifetime ahead of us. In the meantime, I am so very grateful to Gladney for taking such good care of them, and to those of you who have made sure we aren't missing their amazing progress!

Hi, Babies. Mommy's coming...

A Day in Pictures

Evelyn posted this challenge on her blog and I thought it was a fun idea and a good excuse to play with my new camera, plus I just love Evelyn! If you are reading this and would like to participate, leave me a comment so I can link to you.

March 20, 2010

In spite of it being a Saturday, I set the alarm for 6 AM because there was a kid's tag sale happening and I had read that there was an early bird special if you showed up at 6:45. I am linking to it here to prove to my husband that I did in fact read this and was not just finding an excuse to get him out of bed early! People line up around the block for these things. If you're going to get anything good you have to get there early, so up we got.
 
 

Mark takes the dogs downstairs for their breakfast every morning, so this is usually the first thing I see upon waking. Yeah, I know. You probably didn't need to see that, and, yeah, I know. They are spoiled! In their defense, Lucy's legs are too short to get her safely down the stairs and Duncan was very, very sick when he was a puppy and he just never learned how. I've tried to teach him but he is terrified and...well...ok, they're spoiled!

 

The other two can't wait for their breakfast and usually wake us up before 7 (good practice for when the boys are here, right?) but Porter won't get up without some prodding so that's usually my first task of the day.

 

He always sleeps with his tongue sticking out, which I always think is so cute. Poor thing probably got taken away from his mother too early or something. At least he can get up and down the stairs with some dignity!

 

Then we headed off to the tag sale, hoping to score a car seat or two since we are going to need FOUR of them (one of us will be dropping off and the other picking up in different cars once the boys start preschool).
 

 

When we got to the tag sale all the lights were off, the door was locked and the sign said the sale started at 11! Oops...turned out that there were two kid's tag sales at two seperate churches with the same exact name but in different towns. Unfortunately I didn't figure that out until today! We went and got coffee for Mark instead, which cheered him up.

It was an absolutely gorgeous day in the 70's, so I wasn't upset about being up early.

I decided to do something productive with the morning (probably should have brushed my hair too!)

Mark got to work as well. Our house was built in 1930 and has the original plaster walls. We love how they look but after a few years they start to crack so Mark has been repairing this room, which was particularly bad. He did an amazing job!

At ELEVEN we went back to the tag sale.

 

 

 

No car seats but we got some clothing. I think you have to volunteer to help out with this sale to get any of the really good stuff cause it was pretty picked over in spite of being some of the first through the doors. Oh, well...

We went to get some brunch at the diner next door, because Mark needed cheering up again, since the only reason he had to come with me to the sale was to help carry all those car seats we didn't even get!

Then we got ready to drive into New York City to attend an adoption shower for this lovely person. Tamara and her husband Kai are also adopting from Ethiopia through our agency and we met online almost a year ago. We have gotten together in person a few times after work and Mark and I were delighted to meet Kai and their family and friends. I hope this is just the first of many celebrations we share together.

Here we are. If you are wondering what that thing is behind us, it is an enlarged replication of the Venus of Willendorf. We are hoping she brings good luck to adoptive parents too!

Mark and I took advantage of an evening in the city to use a gift card that my sister and brother-in-law gave us for Christmas eons ago! Mark was quite taken by the tiny Tabasco that came with our oysters.

Looking a little sleepy after a nice meal!

Mark was also quite taken with the fact that he could read the Fox News ticker from our table! It would have been a perfect night for him if a game was also playing on a big screen above my head ;-) Just kidding, Honey. Mark's attention was on me and we had a great dinner. Thanks MP and DAP!

Walking back to our car we had a minor celebrity sighting. That's Mike Huckabee at Fox News in the red tie.

Driving by my favorite NYC building on the way out of town.

This billboard summed up how I was feeling...

...until we hit a traffic jam in spite of the late hour! Shortly after this I fell asleep (fortunately Mark was driving!).

It was a great day, and it will be fun to compare this day to the same day next year. Hopefully things will look very different!!

Gifts

At the beginning of this process, one of the ways I weeded through the many agencies we had to choose from was by reading and posting on a variety of adoption related Yahoo Groups.

One of the people who responded to my inquiries stood out. First of all, she lived in our state and I was hoping to connect with other local families who looked like ours was about to look (little did I know how many amazing families I would have the privilege of meeting along this road). Secondly, she mentioned that she was on the wait list for siblings. Mark and I were drawn to the idea of siblings from the very beginning but at that point I still had some fears and doubts about wait times, older child adoption, and the sheer craziness of adopting two at one time. I went back and forth over email several times with this woman and her words really helped me move past some of those fears and embrace what was in my heart. She was also instrumental in my decision to go with Gladney, a decision that we are extremely happy with, but that’s for another post.

About a month after this email exchange, the gentleman who runs our agency's program in Ethiopia, Belay Tafesse (wonderful person also worthy of his own future post), was in town for a dinner with local Ethiopian adoptive families. We didn't know any of these other families at the time and primarily attended the dinner hoping to meet Belay and get some additional advice about adopting siblings (I wrote about that conversation here). We walked into the event and randomly sat down at a table where a few people were already seated. After introductions and about twenty minutes of small talk (if you can call adoption talk small), one of the women said something, I don't remember what, but a light bulb went on.

Me: "Wait, are you Monique DRUCKER???"
Monique Drucker: "Well, yes, I am..." (As her husband turned to me with the funniest "how the heck do you know that" look).

You probably have guessed where I'm going with all of this. Monique was the woman I had emailed back and forth with, and so began my very first adoption friendship.

Over the year and a half that has transpired since, Monique has proven to be an incredibly supportive friend and a beautiful example of how to get through this crazy roller coaster of a process. As time went on, our paths became more and more intertwined. Last summer and again this winter we thought that things might align in such a way that we would be traveling together. Theirs is not my story to tell but suffice it to say that the Druckers have had the hardest and longest adoption story I have yet to hear, at least with our agency. Monique weathered that journey with poise and grace at every heart wrenching turn and I sometimes wonder how I would have handled some of our harder moments without her example to follow.

But that was then and this is now and today it is a happy story I get to tell. Monique and her husband and mother are in Ethiopia this week meeting THEIR TWINS. She has been posting from Ethiopia on her blog - go see! I can’t wait to meet these beautiful kids and I love that our children will grow-up knowing another set of twins who share this part of their story.

Of course Monique has also met THE twins this week (the ones that the moon and stars orbit around in this house). In fact, she had the presence of mind to meet them shortly after meeting her own children on the very first day they arrived, and she was back again today to deliver care packages and spend a little more time with them. She sent me the most wonderful email this afternoon describing their personalities, reporting that they are happy and healthy and adorable and smart, and that we are going to "have our hands full"! She actually said the hands full part twice.

Two and a half year old twin boys a handful? Really? You think????????

I like to believe that coincidences are actually signs, evidence that we are on the right path. There have been so many signs along our way to these boys, Monique truly being one of them. Her friendship is also one example of the many gifts that come with adoption. We are blessed. We are on the right path. And the two best big handfuls of gifts are coming very soon!

These are the gifts that Monique delivered to the boys today. Apparently the balls were a huge hit! There were also two little Dr. Seuss books and some socks and undies that I didn't get a picture of. Thank you for everything, Monique!!

For Tam

Last Days
~ by Mary Oliver (of course, who else!)

Things are
    changing; things are starting to
            spin, snap, fly off into
                    the blue sleeve of the long
                             afternoon. Oh and ooh
come whistling out of the persished mouth
      of the grass, as things
turn soft, boil back
      into substance and hue. As everything,
           forgetting its own enchantment, whispers;
                 I too love oblivion why not it is full
                        of second chances. Now,
hiss the bright curls of the leaves. Now!
   booms the muscle of the wind.

xoxo, h

Ah, It's Time ***Updated***

The Measure
~ by Mary Oliver, New Poems, 2004 - 2005

I stopped the car and ran back and across the road
and picked up the box turtle, who only
hissed and withdrew herself into her pretty shell.
Well, goodness, it was early in the morning, not too much traffic.
Rather an adventure than a risk, and anyway
who wouldn't give aid to such a shy citizen?
Who wouldn't complete the journey for it, taking it of course
in the direction of its desire: a pinewoods
where, as I learned, the blueberries ripen early.
Probably she had thought, in the middle of the night - Ah, it's time.
Sometimes I think our own lives are watched over like that.
Out of the mystery of the hours and the days
something says - Let's give this one a little trial.
Let's, say, put a turtle in the road she's traveling on, and in a hurry.
Let's see how her life is measuring up, that lucky girl.
So much happiness, so much good fortune. Ah, it's time.

(for Beka & Jake and Rebecca & Colin on the eve of their third try at passing court...xoxo, h)

****UPDATE! Apparently third time really is a charm because both families passed court today! You can go here and here to congratulate the new parents and see pictures of their beautiful children!****

Game in Overtime

In one week we will unofficially hold the record for the longest referral wait time with our agency. Needless to say, this is not the record we were looking to break! I also had a conversation with our case worker last week that left me feeling like our referral isn’t right around the corner either.


Sigh.


All I can say are things I have said before:


1. This will be worth the wait.

2. All this waiting will be forgotten, or at least become a distant memory, some day.

3. Most importantly, I believe that when you become a parent, it ceases to be about you and it becomes about them. In my heart I have been mother to these children for months and whatever I am feeling pales in comparison to the profound loss that is occurring in their young lives.


I can also say that I have complete faith in Gladney. I know that they are working ethically and in our best interest – a tough balancing act that some agencies don’t manage very well. They always told us that being matched with a young sibling pair could take time, and they were right. We think it will be worth the wait. We think this will all make sense some day. We think that what we are feeling pales in comparison...ok, ok, you get the idea.


All this waiting has also allowed me to meet some of the most incredible people. I don't know what it is about this adoption community, but you folks are amazing. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your support! And with that said, I am off to meet up with this person. I know, some of you are jealous. And, yes, she is as cool in person as she sounds on her blog!!

The Milk Carton Theory

Dates have taken on new meaning during this year of waiting. Anything that has a date associated with it ~ a dentist appointment, perishable goods, an upcoming social event ~ gets me wondering if we will have our referral by that day.

Every few weeks I buy a new carton of milk and hope that I will know my children's names before it expires. I must admit, I was a little surprised last week when I went to have a bowl of cereal and found that the milk had soured. I had been pretty confident that this time we would get our call before that happened.

But October has been a lucky month for me. It is the month I fulfilled my dream to move to New York City. It is the month I bought my first home. And it is the month I got married. Will it be the month that we see our children's faces for the first time? I sure do hope so. At the very least, my theory is that THIS will be the very last carton of milk I buy before I do.

In other news, we had a wonderful time last night visiting with Scott and Ryan Brown from Gladney, and Segi Desta who is on the Gladney Board of Directors and who was instrumental in getting the Ethiopia program up and running. They were in town for the Gladney Cup and ventured out in a horrific rain storm to meet with us, and several other local Gladney Ethiopia families, to share a meal. Mark made a big pot of chili, and I insisted he use ground turkey instead of beef. He was a little worried about how this "Connecticut Chili" would be received by our Texan guests of honor. Fortunately it seemed to be a big hit with all. We had a wonderful time and I am continually awed by how fortunate we are to know these amazing people and to have such a wonderful group of families in our area.

We will see these local families again next weekend for the second birthday of a little cutie who came home last November. October 10th is the date of that party. October 9th is our anniversary. October 5th, 6th, 7th or 8th sure would make perfect dates for that all important call!

A Very Good Week

I think it is fair to say that the referral drought of the past five weeks has been lifted. Three families have gotten referrals this week, INCLUDING the family ahead of us who were waiting for siblings. We are so so thrilled for these families.

All defensive pessimism has gone completely out the window. I am excited...I am hopeful...and I am READY to see our babies' faces! Hopefully it won't be too long now!

A Good Day

Monday was a very good day. Jake & Beka got their referral for a beautiful, and I mean beautiful, 10 week old baby boy! I am so thrilled for them!

Jake and Beka went on the wait list the same day that we did. Beka has been a fantastically supportive waitlist buddy and blog friend. If you don't have a wait list buddy yet, I highly recommend that you go get one (or two or three!) cause no one, and I mean no one, is going to understand how you feel when it gets down to the wire quite like they will.

The slow nature of referrals over the past several weeks has made my defensive pessimism go hog wild so I can't decide whether it's too much to hope that we will get our call soon too...what do you guys think?

Hang on Little Tomato

It has been an entire year since I started this blog! Amazing how fast and at the same time how slowly a year goes by when you are waiting for something important to happen.

A few weeks before starting my blog I had heard of blogs but had never read one, only had a vague notion why someone would write one, and I thought writing one myself would be an embarrassingly self-serving notion.

Then I connected with this person on a Yahoo Group and she sent me a link to her blog. I read the entire thing in one sitting and then started following links to other blogs. I was amazed. These women could write. I mean REALLY write. And they were writing about the things I was thinking and feeling.

When I started my blog I never intended to develop a wide audience like this amazing writer, or this one or this one. In fact I felt a bit shy about writing at all and intended to use the blog primarily to keep friends and family apprised of our journey.

But sitting at the top of the FBI list for a while has a way of increasing traffic to one's blog. If you scroll down you will see a "traffic watcher" which doesn't tell me who you are, but it does tell me where you come from so I know that most of you find me through the FBI list. And even though only a small percentage of you leave comments, just knowing that you are all out there makes this wait feel a little less lonely.

So this one is for you, my fellow adoptive parents in waiting...(wait for it...the lyrics kick in after about a minute and a half).

Hang On Little Tomato
~by Pink Martini

The sun has left and forgotten me

It's dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I'm gonna drown
In a sea
Of deep confusion


Somebody told me, I don't know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you're feelin' all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside and you will find


You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it's dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love


Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you'll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something's coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead


And so I hold on to his advice
When change is hard and not so nice
You listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you

Buckets and Shovels and Molds, Oh My!

Lately I’ve had a strong desire to start acquiring things for our children. I suppose it is the natural thing to do when you’re expecting but it is really hard to do when you don’t know how old or what gender your children will be. So far I have bought books, lots of book, and a few little gender-neutral outfits in size 12 – 18 months figuring it will fit one of them, at least eventually. The other day I realized that I could also buy BEACH TOYS! After all, we live a mile from the beach and children of all ages and genders like to play in the sand! Thirty minutes after placing my order for an assortment of brightly colored buckets and shovels and molds, an email from this person popped into my inbox. She was inviting me to a beach outing with other local families who have adopted from Ethiopia. How perfect is that?

I “met” Heidi (yes, we share the same first name) on the internet a year ago when I was trying to decide what adoption agency to go with. Hers was the first Ethiopian Adoption blog I ever read and I sent links to her blog and pictures of her beautiful little girl to family and friends to show them what our future might look like. I was thrilled and comforted to know that a family who looked like ours was about to look, lived 10 minutes down the road, and Heidi’s feedback on Gladney influenced my decision to go with them (and we are so glad we did!). Other than a brief hello at a lunch last August, I had not really had the chance to meet Heidi in person yet so I was thrilled to finally get the opportunity (and if you have never met someone whose blog you follow, suffice it to say it is a little weird. Sort of like meeting a celebrity because you already know quite a lot about them, yet they don't know you at all!).

Anyway, it just so happened that Heidi picked the first and only hot and sunny afternoon in June (it is pouring again as I write this!), and twenty-six of us were able to get together yesterday at her neighborhood beach. It was so much fun and I just love knowing this amazing group of people! There were a few families I already knew and a few families that I had not met before, some of whom have children who were 2 – 3 years old when they came home from Ethiopia. Up until yesterday we had only met families who had brought home infants so it was wonderful to see these older kids, who are beautiful and reportedly thriving, and to ask their parents some of the questions I have about adopting an older child. I was the only one without children of my own so there was plenty of opportunity for me to help out and practice my mothering skills! I got to keep an eye out for little ones going too deep in the water, to give kisses and nibble little fingers, and even give a bottle to this beauty who fell sound asleep in my arms. Hello! Can you say heaven?!

When I got home a package containing brightly colored buckets and shovels and molds was waiting for me on the front steps (pictured above). Again, how perfect is that?! Now all we need are our two little cutie pies digging around in the sand!

June is bustin' out all over...

...all over the meadow and the hill...ahem. That song from Carousel has been coursing through my head all week and then I read it here, on the blog of the family in the coveted position numero uno on the FBI List! What is so bustin' about June, you ask? Try NINE referrals and something like EIGHTEEN court dates this month. I think those lovely people at Gladney have been eating their Wheaties!

Congratulations to ALL the families but here are a few of my favorite highlights:

Kat & The Esquire - Read it! You will be moved, you will laugh out loud, you will wish you could write as beautifully, you will be able to imagine what the call might be like for yourself or for us!

The Fornet Family - This family is a model of strength. After receiving their referral over a year ago they got caught up in red tape and failed court like a bazillion times. Thankfully they finally passed last week and will soon be united with their twins! Their struggle is a worse case scenario, the type of scenario that you hope and pray doesn't happen to anyone else ever again.

One More Ladrach - This family is an example of the BEST case scenario. They made it from getting on the wait list through passing court, start to finish, in four months!!! We think Karen has amazing powers of prayer and we are grateful that she is out there praying for us too!

Adoptions of Abandoned Children

It has been a busy week on the adoption front. Don’t get excited…it’s not OUR news yet, just some good news and some...let's just call it The News... about the adoption process in Ethiopia.

THE NEWS
Adoptions of Abandoned Children Halted: The courts have temporarily stopped accepting cases involving abandoned children from orphanages in Addis Ababa, citing concern over a recent increase in the number of abandoned children being brought for adoption. The number of abandoned children from orphanages in Addis Ababa has grown dramatically in recent months and Ethiopian authorities have become aware of possible cases of unethical practices associated with some of them.
THE GOOD NEWS
In Ethiopia, children are legally available for adoption for one of two reasons. They are either relinquished (willingly surrendered by their parent or immediate family member), or they are abandoned (deserted without trail to a parent or immediate family member). Our agency processes very few cases of abandoned children, which are the cases effected by the recent announcement. Gladney is also highly ethical and only works with government run orphanages, not private orphanages that are also the subject of the investigation. Gladny does not anticipate any delay to referrals but 15 families had court dates this week and only 5 passed, so it does look like court delays may be inevitable. This is how it goes in the unpredictable world of international adoption...

MORE GOOD NEWS
Our friends returned from Ethiopia this week with their daughter, Yeabsera, and she is perfect! They visited the pediatrician on Tuesday and the doctor said, “I’ve got nothing!”, which is to say that she is right on target for height and weight and doesn’t have a single heath issue, not even the ailments that children from Ethiopia typically come home with (diarrhea, skin infections, lice). I have not yet met Yeabsera in person but I spoke with her mother for about 45 minutes yesterday and I could hear her babbling and cooing away on her mother’s lap. I dare say she is as cheerful and chatty as her wonderful Mother and I am awed by how perfect this match is!

The second great news is that some families DID pass court this week and will be traveling soon to bring their children home. Congrats to this family and this family and this family and the “K” family whose blog is private…and anyone I may have missed. We are overjoyed for you!

Our hearts go out to those who are still waiting to pass court and we pray for good news soon!

“Dwell not upon thy weariness, thy strength shall be according to the measure of thy desire.” ~ Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885), Les Miserables, 1862

Bon Voyage Dear Friends!

We had the joy, honor and privilege of attending a bon voyage party for our local adoption friends this week. This is a special family and I don’t know how to put into words what their friendship means to us. You can see pictures of their daughter, beautiful Yeabsera, here. They depart for Ethiopia tomorrow! Yeah!!!!

"Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls." ~ Mother Teresa, 1910 - 1997

Just Let Go

Not sure if I’ve said this before, but I am at peace with this wait (really, I am...at least lately and for now...). Perhaps it’s because we are getting closer. More likely it’s because we know that there is still a long way to go and things are completely out of our control. More importantly, I think it's because everything about this feels right, and I trust that feeling.

Those who know me, know that I have a more than average tendency to enjoy being in control…maybe not to the point of being a control freak but…well…ok, maybe a bit of a control freak! The fact is, though, that when something is so completely outside my control, I do find myself being able to let go and just go with the flow. My friend Ellie wrote about this a lot when they were still waiting for their referral. She wrote about Surrender and quoted the perfect line from one of our favorite movies, Finding Nemo, on her blog a couple months ago. Ellie wrote:

I love the movie “Finding Nemo” when Marlin (Nemo’s dad) and Dory are in the whale’s mouth and they’re about to be swallowed. Dory is speaking ‘whale’ and translates for Marlin. “The whale says, it’s time to let go…everything’s gonna be alright.” Marlin “How do you know?? How do you know something BAD isn’t gonna happen” Pause…Dory “I don’t!” And of course…they let go and ARE swallowed by the whale but then are immediately blown to freedom through the whale’s blow hole and find themselves in Sydney Harbor!!! Exactly where they wanted to be!!! So, yes, I’m taking advice from a fish. “Just Let Go”.

Dory realized that the only way was to "surrender and hope for the best." Marlin was amazed that this approach to life worked! His task, to find his son, seemed so difficult that he figured his only chance was to carefully calculate every moment and every detail. Then, through the kindness of a stranger and the loyalty of someone he had only just met, he found his son. What a fitting analogy!

So, I too, am taking advice from a fish, a cartoon fish, and advice from a friend that I am so grateful to have found. I am surrendering to the process, to Gladney, to the timing of God, the universe, nature, the forces of luck and destiny, and I am hoping for the best. I know in my heart that this approach will work!

Three Months Down...

It has been three months since we went on the wait list - half way to Gladney's average wait time! After months of seemingly endless speed bumps, there was some encouraging news from our fellow adoptive parents this week. For one, our friends who received their referral two weeks ago received their court date ALREADY! And their court date is in APRIL! That is astonishingly fast and way outside the average wait. We are so happy for them and having such fun celebrating this great news!

Referrals also seem to be chugging along nicely at 2 per week. A family who went on the wait list a month before us got their referral this week for a 2 1/2 year old! Referrals for toddlers are happening quickly, as one would expect with so many people wanting babies. It's hard to know how long we will wait for our young sibling pair because there aren't many families who hold out for two. The last family with a similar profile waited 8 months, and they tell us that the family before them also waited 8 months, so we think we still have quite a way to go. Still, it's nice to see people who went on the wait list around the time we did get their referral! It's exciting to know that we are getting closer!

A Dream Come True

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." ~Martin Luther King, Jr., 1963

It was not very long ago that the equality envisioned by the Declaration of Independence was far from a reality. Today is an incredible day in history! Whether you support President Elect Obama’s policies or not, you must acknowledge what a good thing it is that our children will never know a world where they cannot aspire to their highest callings because of the color of their skin!

We have no updates, nor will we for several months, but we have been living vicariously through friends so I can share a few of their updates.

A little boy came home to CT from Ethiopia just last week. He is a healthy 23lbs and 30inches and his parents report that by the way he eats, is on his way to being a candidate for the football team. He is extremely happy and affectionate and didn't even mind the 30 hour trip home…oh to be so lucky! We met the parents at the Gladney dinner back in August and they had already recently received their referral, so it took about 5 – 6 months from the time they found out about their child to the time they were able to bring him home. I think that part of the wait is going to be the hardest part of the process for me!

Our friends who received their referral of siblings back in November received the difficult news last week that it will take several months for them to get a court date (you must pass court in Ethiopia before the children are legally yours). There is a new document for relinquished children that Ethiopia started requiring in October and apparently the office that produces that document is extremely backed up. On the one hand, it is understandable that rules and regulations are put in place to prevent the inevitable corruption that surrounds international adoption, but on the other hand it is very difficult to know that two small children will be kept waiting for the love of their new family. Our hearts go out to this family and we are praying that something turns around for them soon. We are also very much hoping and praying that this hold up is a fluke and not a trend…

We have another set of friends who are third from the top of an unofficial wait list. Our agency does not publish these details because referrals don’t always come in exact chronological order, but one of the mothers who adopted from our agency last year started maintaining this list and so far it is pretty accurate, and a huge help when you just want to see where you stand! She calls it the FBI List, which stands for “Forensic Blogging Initiative”. So being third from the top, we think that our friends might get their call this week or next!!!

If you want to check out the FBI list click the link below. We are 7th from the bottom on the wait list tab!

http://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=ppHBvDAxQ8m6D9u0lLFvNIA&gid=0

Off now to watch our first black president get sworn in!

Boo!

OK, that's someone else's pug but I couldn't resist! Happy Halloween everyone! We are expecting the usual flood of trick or treaters tonight and will be sitting out on our front steps until the candy runs out. Usually I get the dogs dressed up (to Mark's dismay) and they sit outside with us but I think it might be a little cold this year for our pampered fur babes!

There has been no change in our status this week but one of our new adoption friends got the good news yesterday that she passed court and will be traveling to get her daughter on November 16! We are so happy for her and relieved, quite frankly, as it took a few tries to get through court. As we are learning, waiting to get a referral is only half the battle. Getting through court seems to sometimes be an even bigger challenge and not everyone makes it through the first time. People can fail court for a variety of reasons, not all of which we fully understand yet, but one reason lately is that a new document has been required since the courts reopened in October (for those who don't know, the Ethiopian courts shut down for a few months during the rainy season). Our hearts go out to those who are having trouble getting through court. It must be agonizing to know your child is waiting for you and not be able to get to them.

We have also learned that Ethiopian adoptions are rapidly becoming increasingly popular and it is my understanding that each agency is now only allotted a certain number of court appointments per week. The combination of the new document, lots of adoptions and limited court dates seems to be slowing things down and our agency has upped their referral estimates from 3 - 5 months to 4 - 6 months. Alas, we knew that this could happen and that things can change quickly in an international adoption. We are hopping to be approved and officially on the wait list any day now, which means we might still be on track to have the kiddos home by next summer. We are, however, mentally preparing ourselves for missing that window, which would mean waiting out the rainy season to bring the kids home next fall. Either way, we know that Gladney will be doing everything they can to get us through this process quickly and we are getting closer every day! We hope to have some good news to report next week!

I know some of you are wondering how the nursery is coming along and hoping for some pictures. I promise, they are coming soon, but we decided to clean out every closet, drawer and shelf before launching into the remodeling of the rooms. We have just finished weeding out all our books, the basement, and we emptied the storage locker that Mark has had since before we met ('bout time!). Trying to fit two childern into your life sure is motivation to clear out the clutter!

FBI Approved

All our paperwork is done and we reached some key milestones over the past couple weeks. First of all, we had our finger prints taken for the FBI and then a few days later for CIS (immigration). We weren't sure what to expect but we anticipated something akin to the DMV with long lines and slow turn around times. I am pleased to report that the experience was the complete opposite and the whole thing was quick and easy. We sent our prints to the FBI and received our clearance letters back a mere 7 days later! Shocking!

The big thing that we are waiting for is the completion of our Home Study report. Mark and I have done all the things that we needed to do, which included ten hours of adoptive parent training, meeting with our social worker as a couple and individually, as well as an inspection of our home. I am pleased to say that we passed all of these things with flying colors...I even got a big hug at the end of my last appointment!...and the whole thing was pretty painless in spite of some pretty personal questions that we had to answer. Our social worker was wonderful and always made us feel like she was an advocate for us. Now the ball is in her court to write up the report, submit a draft to Gladney for their approval and feedback, and then send us five notarized reports (one for CIS, two for Gladney, one for our dossier and one for our records). Really nothing else can happen until this report is done so we are hoping and praying that she is able to get it done soon! She estimated three weeks from our last appointment so that would mean October 16th...stay tuned!

After the home study is done, CIS approval and Gladney approval will be the next big milestones. I don't think the Gladney part will be too hard and we have already submitted everything else that they need from us. CIS approval will just be a matter of waiting and I really can't figure out how long a wait it will be. Looking at other blogs has only shown me that the time frame varies widely from as fast as two weeks to as long as 3 months! It is my hope and best guestimate that we will get through these last steps by the end of December and officially enter the wait list some time in January. From there it’s just more waiting…Gladney is still predicting 3 to 5 months so our referral, which is when we know who our child(ren) will be, could happen in the spring or early summer!

To pass the time we are shifting our energies to the nursery. The nursery!!!! As I mentioned in our last blog, we have started visiting baby stores, testing out strollers and shaking cribs to see which ones are sturdy enough for our little ones! When we went to our appointment for CIS fingerprints we happened to park in front of a big baby store that had some very reasonably priced cribs that we may in fact purchase. First we need to do some rearranging by moving all the guest room furniture out of the little bedroom and moving all the office furniture (the VERY heavy office furniture) into the little room. Then we plan to put up beadboard and paint the walls in the old office/now nursery! This will keep us plenty busy for the next few months!

We are getting together with some of the other Gladney Ethiopia Families in our area next week for a Pumpkin Carving party. This may be more fun when we have little ones of our own but we are still looking forward to getting to know these families better. I will try to take some pictures and write about it next week.