SOMEBODY PINCH ME

We passed! We passed we passed we passed we passed !!!!!!!!!!
I can hardly believe it but they are OURS and we are THEIRS!!!!!!

HALLELUJAH!

It is with overwhelming joy that I introduce you to our boys.

OUR SONS!

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Three Court Dates Would Have Been Too Easy

That's right, no court date for us tomorrow after all. Apparently it is a holiday in Ethiopia and the courts are closed.

I know, good grief!

The good news...the very good news...is that we are on for Thursday and we got confirmation that the new ID has been obtained.

Aaaaaaaah!

New Court Date

GOOD NEWS: phone lines are back up.

EXPECTED NEWS: we did not pass court yesterday.

ENCOURAGING NEWS: they THINK the new ID was obtained yesterday. They don't have confirmation but they say she has it unless something crazy happened (and it seems with us, crazy happenings are certainly a possibility if not a given, so I say this with guarded hope).

GREAT NEWS: we have a new court date for next Wednesday.

Oh PLEASE let this be it! PLEASE let it only be SIX MORE DAYS!!!!!!

No News

The phone lines were down in Ethiopia today (they were down yesterday, too) so we don't know what happened in court yet. This happens from time to time. Hopefully the lines will be back up tomorrow.

We are ok. Really, we are. We were not expecting to pass court today anyway, so we weren't overly anxious for this call.

I do have to admit that this stage of the wait is by far the hardest. After waiting so long for our referral, and because of the unusual preamble to our referral, I thought the wait to pass court would be a breeze—and it was for the first few months. This past month, however, has been rough. We are holding it together emotionally (for the most part!) but the stress has been taking an obvious physical toll on me.

First, I got a horrible cold that lasted 2+ weeks. The last time I got sick was so long ago I can't even remember when it was, and 2+ weeks, never.

Then, the day before our court date last week, I threw my back out doing, um, nothing. I was running up the stairs and my shoe started to fall off. I clenched my toes to keep it on and...crunch. Fortunately an afternoon of advil and a heating pad returned me to an upright position.

Last Friday night, after we found out that we didn't pass court, my right eye blew up like a puffer fish. No joke, and it was not from crying. My upper and lower eye lids looked more like lips than lids! I have never seen anything like it and I thought I was going to wake up with pink eye or something but thankfully a good night's sleep cured it! Crazy.

This week I grew a canker sore AND a pimple, both of which also NEVER happen!!! I can handle these symptoms, though. Anything as long as that puffer fish eye doesn't return! LOL

I swear I am trying to take care of myself but obviously I am not doing such a great job of it. I am going to have to take it to the next level...cut out all sugar and alcohol...

Ummmm...right after I finish this glass of wine and last couple pieces of chocolate!

Hopefully more news tomorrow...maybe it will be good news...probably I have a few more pimples to get through before we're done with all this.........

(P.S. In case you can't detect my humor, it IS ok to laugh at these ailments. I may be falling apart but I have not lost my sense of humor. That darn puffer fish eye was pretty funny!)

New Court Date (Sort of)

Soooooo, I spoke with our case worker this afternoon. She said that if the relinquishing family member has been able to resolve her ID issue, then our case will be heard again tomorrow.

As in, TOMORROW.

That is one big giant if, though, folks. I think it highly unlikely that there has been enough time for her to travel all the way back to her region (a full day if not two days of traveling), obtain a new ID (not exactly like going down to the DMV), and travel all the way back to Addis Ababa in time to appear in court tomorrow. It's possible, but I think highly unlikely.

Nonetheless, I am again expecting a call from our caseworker between the hours of 12 and 3 PM tomorrow. I am hoping for at least an update as to where things stand with that pesky ID.

This person, on the other hand, has a very real shot at passing court tomorrow and this person has a court date on Thursday! I have not given up hope that I will meet these lovely ladies in Ethiopia soon. Please send them your well wishes!

"The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse."

Helen Keller

Back to Waiting

Well, we came up on the wrong side of the 50% chance. There was an issue with the birth family member's ID so they need to travel back to their region to get a new ID. Once that happens we will be given a new court date. They were not able to give us any indication of how long this will take.

The good news is that everything else seems to be in order so at least we are one step closer.

Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers. We appreciate them so very much.

Bittersweet

In the days following the news about our court date, I have been surprised to find that this long awaited milestone has not lifted the heaviness of waiting. It has also unexpectedly resurfaced some heavy thoughts and feelings about the birth family.

Do they know the date yet?

What must they be feeling?

Will they get to see the boys on April 23rd (I think yes) and will it offer any peace to see them so chubby and healthy and happy, or only throw salt on their fresh wounds?

Will they make the long trip back to Addis to meet us when we travel (oh I hope so)? How will I tell them all that is in my heart, through two translators, through the tears I might have trouble holding in?

These are the things I have been thinking about.

When we started all this I didn't really understand how I would feel about the birth family. Being an adoptee myself, I think I have some insight into the thoughts and feelings our adopted children might have growing up, but as an adoptive mother the whole birth family thing, to be honest, felt scary and complicated.

Then we got our referral. My tears of joy mingled with tears of sorrow as I heard their story. The day after we got our court date it happened again. I wept for the boys and for the birth family--for all that they have lost, for all that they must be feeling, for their sacrifice which was clearly an act of love, and because of my own gratitude.

I had no idea how much love I could feel for these people I have never met, but after falling head over heals for these two little boys, it is impossible not to love them. I'm sure the fog will lift as we get nearer to that court date but at the moment I just can't seem to shake how very sad all this happy news really is.

WE GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People, we have a court date! APRIL 23rd! Can you believe it???

I am flabbergasted!

I am in shock!

I am ESTATIC!

I think I may have broken our case worker's ear drum!!!

For those who don't know, we made the cutoff for the new rule and will not be traveling to Ethiopia to appear in court--only one trip at the end to bring the boys home! If we pass court on the 23rd--that's right, not everyone passes the first try--we will then get a US embassy appointment and travel to Ethiopia the week of that appointment! Embassy appointments are typically three to five weeks after passing court, so *best case* we're looking at mid May to early June.

Holy mackeral!

I dare say that might be a light I see at the end of the tunnel!

Good News

Our file has been submitted to the courts!!!!!!!!
Hopefully we’ll be assigned a court date soon!!!!!!!!

Optimism

The sun came up this morning in spite of our disappointing news yesterday, and it even shines a little brighter today. The punched in the gut feeling has subsided and, although I admit, I am still disappointed and a little weepy, I do find myself looking for the positives.

It’s funny. Before all this started I wouldn’t have described myself as an optimist. I'm much more of a realist really (Mark might have called me a pessimist), but since starting this process I have been extremely optimistic, almost ridiculously so. Yesterday I felt angry at my optimism. I felt like instead of getting positive energy turned into positive action, all it has brought is disappointment after disappointment. But that’s wrong. The outcome would have been the same whether I spent the last year and a half thinking postitive thoughts or negative ones. There is no way to protect your heart from the bumps in the road if they happen. And being optimistic has served a valuable purpose in all of this. It has allowed me to have many moments of joy and peace while waiting for the ultimate joy to come.

I can feel my optimism returning. It would be a shameful waste of precious life to spend the next few months sitting around feeling sorry for myself anyway.

I am also ending the pity party because I know that it is hard for everyone. Doesn’t matter if you have been waiting sixteen months or two months or four years. The waiting is hard and it sucks and that’s about all there is to say about it. And what about how hard it has been for the boys and their birth family? Thirteen months on the wait list, a delayed court process and an unexpected second trip to Ethiopia certainly don’t add up to a fraction of that. Maybe it’s even fitting that our journey to those boys includes pain.

Last night I had twinges of blog post regret. I don’t like posting bad news, especially before I have had a chance to put a bright and shiny spin on it, but then your comments started coming in and I realized, for about the hundredth time, how lucky I feel to have you all out there. In the moment of crushing disappointment it felt like telling you – those who are going through it or who have gone through it themselves and those who are going through it with us – it felt like telling you would make me feel better.

It did.

Thank you for all your words of support. You boosted me up. You kept me afloat. Amazing how a little sympathy and compassion can get a person through a tough night.

Onward…

Not So Wordless Afterall

Well, we got an update from our caseworker today and it's not good news. Apparently they are still waiting for a document from the orphanage in order to complete our file. This means that our case hasn't even been submitted to the courts yet. It's hard to understand why we have been so unlucky with wait times and hard to swallow that after more than 6 months in care already, these boys have more months ahead of them before they have a family. I think I know what a punching bag feels like...

Changes to the Changes

Our agency sent out a notice this afternoon indicating that the new court date requirements will not effect families who receive court dates prior to April 9th.

We might just squeak through (now that I have gotten all excited about two trips to Ethiopia and seeing the boys sooner than later!).

Of course, we thought we would get our referral five months sooner than we did, so I am not even going to hazard a guess as to when we'll hear about our court date. Que sera, sera.

They also indicated that there are likely more changes coming as everyone digests this news and figures out what it all means.

Hang tight, fellow waiters. Stay tuned, wonderful supporters...your words of encouragement are so very appreciated.

(If you have no idea what the heck I'm talking about, read my earlier post below.)

Changes

As many of you have heard, there were big announcements this week concerning adoptions from Ethiopia.

My week started with this notice from the US Department of State announcing a “change in processing time for adoption cases”. A knot of fear the size of a beach ball formed in my gut and I had a meltdown in the car on my way to the office when I called Mark to tell him about it. Tears and fears of the worst kind came pouring out, into and onto the phone, make-up running, sniffles and sobs. Poor Mark!

The next day our agency responded by saying that they don’t perceive this announcement to be a significant change for their families. They have always delivered gobs of paperwork to the US Embassy in Addis Ababa. The embassy has always had the option of investigating further if they found something suspect. This always had the potential to delay the children’s homecoming. We knew all of this but our agency is ethically rock solid, and we haven’t seen anyone experience this type of delay, so we weren’t too worried about it before. Now?  Now we want to believe that these new precautions will only impact agencies like this. The knot of fear in my gut only allows me to believe that time will tell.

Then, throwing salt on the wound, the federal courts in Ethiopia announced yesterday that adoptive parents will now have to travel to Addis Ababa to appear in person for their court date. Previously families only traveled one time, once the adoption was finalized. This goes into effect immediately for anyone who doesn't already have a court date, a.k.a us. Doesn't matter that we have been waiting 9 1/2 weeks for our court date. It is anticipated that this new trip will be for approximately 5 days, at which point families will have to return home without their children, and then go back another 3 to 6 weeks later for their embassy appointment. At that point the children will be allowed to enter the United States and we can bring them home. This is assuming the embassy notice mentioned above doesn’t impact anything.

Knot of fear #1, meet knot of fear #2!

What this means for us is that we will most likely (HOPEFULLY) be among the first to do this – the guinea pigs (I'm ok with that). It means significant added expense, and an unexpected week away from work (we'll manage somehow). It means we might have very little notice before getting on a plane to Ethiopia (I'm ok with that too). It means we will get to meet the boys weeks or even months sooner than expected (clearly I am ok with that!), but only for one day and then we will have to leave them in Ethiopia, return home, and wait some more (ugh, ugh, and ugh). It means this knot of fear in my stomach, now the size of one of those exercise balls at the gym, probably isn’t going to go away for a while.

It also, hopefully, means that disreputable agencies will be stopped. That child trafficking will be thwarted. That idiots people like this won’t have the chance to adopt children and then return them like a pair of shoes that didn’t fit. This needs to happen, and I think these new measures will help.

Side note: If you are reading this and thinking about adopting from anywhere, DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Find a reputable agency. Read about how hard the transition might be. Think about how much your life is going to change and whether you are ready for that. Find a support group. Understand that your child(ren) will very likely have some condition – medical, emotional, physical, developmental – that you were not aware of or prepared for! These risks apply to biological children too and just like biological children, adopted children are FOREVER. OK, stepping down off the soapbox...

You may have noticed that I am a glass half full kind of girl so here’s the good news...

1. WE GET TO MEET THE TWINS instead of moping around CT waiting to pass court! It’s not like that week was going to be a particularly productive one anyway!! And it might...oh, please, please please...happen soon.

2. WE GET TO EXPERIENCE ETHIOPIA, our beloved adopted country, TWICE! We were already planning to go over early to travel outside of Addis. Now we’ll just go to Addis twice instead. Mark has been sending me links all morning to the things he wants to do and see.

3. This change will also, hopefully, make things easier on the birth family, who wants to meet us and us them, but who would have had to make two long, arduous and heartbreaking trips to Addis – once for court and then again to meet us. Now we will all be there for the court date (hopefully!).

4. We are lucky. We can take the time off from work. We don’t have any children (YET) and the dogs will just have to suck it up at the kennel an extra week. Financially, well, I feel a little woozy about that one but we will figure it out. It won’t be easy but we can do it. We are now grateful (gasp) that we have had two years to save for the unexpected. My heart goes out to the families who will have more of a struggle with these things.

Honestly, I am excited - if I would let myself it would be bouncing off the walls excited - about getting on that plane and meeting those boys sooner than later. I would do it tomorrow if I could.

And finally, all of this really isn’t unexpected. Every time something about this hit the media or the big Ethiopian adoption Yahoo Group, I would get a little breathless with panic, because this is exactly the kind of thing that shut the doors to international adoption in Vietnam and Guatemala. I am grateful that measures are being put in place to manage the unethical practices and hopeful that it means adoptions in Ethiopia can continue for as long as there are children in need of homes.

So...deep breaths. No one said this was going to be easy and since when do Mark and I do things the easy way anyway?

Onward…

P.S. If you are reading this and thinking it would have been nice of me to call you with these developments, please forgive me. I am a little worn out by all of it and thought it would be better to give all the details here. Please don't worry about us. We're tougher than we look!

Life after “The Call” and What’s Next

Whew! What a week! My feet are definitely still ten feet off the ground! I had been told that all the waiting would melt into the background once we saw their faces but I wasn’t so sure I believed it, especially toward the end. Well, it's true. All the waiting seems like nothing now and these beautiful little boys were worth every single second! I also have to thank God that Gladney asked us to increase our age range and that we had the presence of mind to say yes. It is so hard to have blind faith sometimes but amazing to see it all coming together now. These boys could not be more perfect for our family!

This past week was one of the happiest weeks of my entire life but in some ways it was also one of the hardest. Not only was I away from home but the meetings that I had to attend started very early in the morning and ended after dinner. I had little time to myself and the work was intense, requiring my concentration, so when email after email after comment after facebook message after phone call kept pouring in, all I could do was try to ignore this explosion of love and happiness and hold in the tears of joy that kept threatening to spill forth in the most inappropriate of settings!

I have finally caught up on all your messages and let me say now what I couldn’t say then:

Thank you all so very much for your kind words and well wishes! Your happiness for us has heightened our joy and we appreciate it so very much!

If I haven't responded to you individually, please forgive me and just know that your support means so much to us.

On Friday night Mark and I made up for lost time by celebrating with a vengeance. We plastered 8 X 10 printouts of the boys to the fridge. We drank champagne. We cried tears of joy and also tears of sorrow for all that our boys and their birth family have been through. We talked excitedly and incessantly about how amazing and beautiful and amazing and beautiful these boys are. We cooked and ate more of this…

Mesir Wat

And this…

Yetakelt W'et

Yesterday we did a little shopping. More tears of joy happened in the parking lots of Baby Gap and Toys-R-Us as the realization that we finally knew who we were shopping for hit me square in the chest! We are excited to be sending care packages to Ethiopia in a couple days with our wait list buddies, Beka and Mika. Also traveling this week are Rebecca and Corrie and Jess. Everyone promises to snap a few pictures and dole out some love to our little ones! I have spent many, many months on the wait list with these ladies and, in spite of my delayed graduation, I think of them as my graduating class since most of us went on the wait list around the same time. Though I have never met them in person, we have shared so much that I feel I know them and they me. I am grateful to have these women in my life and so excited for them to meet the twins and to bring their own children home!!

Here’s what we wish we could send to the boys…

But no one had enough room in their suitcase, ha! So here’s what we narrowed it down to…

Going with Mika are matching soft snuggly jammies and two awesome little trucks! (No, I do not plan to dress them alike most of the time, but I just couldn't resist!)

Going with Beka are soft snuggly horses purchased on the Denver trip, and cloth photo albums with pictures of us, the dogs, the house, etc. to help the boys get used to the idea of their new family. ***Many of you have asked where to purchase these photo books. I bought them at One Step Ahead almost a year ago and I am sorry to say that they have since been discontinued.

Until we can get these guys home and in our arms, this will have to do. We have every bit of faith in our agency and we know that they are being well cared for in the meantime.

OK, so what’s next and when do we get them home, you ask?

Our paperwork has been submitted to the court system in Ethiopia and now we are waiting - yes, more waiting - for a court date. There are many other families with our agency, and with other agencies, that are in the queue ahead of us so this can take time and how much time varies from case to case and month to month. During our time on the wait list we have seen families wait as much as eight months and as little as two weeks for a date. Our agency is estimating the current average wait times to be about one to two months, which is a recent change in our favor, and hopefully good news for us!

Once we are assigned a court date, the actual court appointment is typically scheduled up to one month out. Our agency takes care of all the legal proceedings on our behalf so we won't travel during this stage. Some families sail through court on the first try, while others have to go back for multiple tries. There are several reasons why a family might not pass the first time but it is a buzz kill to think about all that right now so I will write more later.

After we pass court, we will travel to Ethiopia to pick up our boys!! Our travel date will depend on when our visa appointment is scheduled with the US Embassy in Addis Ababa. Travel is typically 2-6 weeks after passing court.

So, if you add up the individual pieces, you get an average wait of 2 to 5 months to get them home. As many of you know, we have not exactly had the smoothest journey so far. Record breaking has been more our style than falling within averages but we are super hopeful that this stage of the journey will be smoother. If you are the praying kind, please pray, or cross fingers or send hopes and vibes...we are doing all of the above in hopes that we can get these guys home quickly!

Thank you again for all your well wishes. We are grateful for the support you have shown to us and our sweet little Ethiopian twins!!

"There is no remedy for love but to love more." ~Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862), Journal, July 25, 1839