May Jack-o-lanterns burning bright
Of soft and golden hue
Pierce through the future’s veil and show
What fate now holds for you.
~Author Unknown
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Rainbows and Unicorns
A friend told me yesterday that they saw my Wordless Wednesday post and thought it was "so sad". Sad? Oh no! No sad!
First of all, there was a TON of happy news this week. Lots of people, whom we have grown to love and care about over the past several months, received court dates or passed court this week. We are overjoyed for these families! And we hope to get our referral in time for some of these wonderful people to give hugs and take pictures of our children when they travel. We also think that all the positive activity this week is a good sign. Things are moving and shaking again after a slow, quiet rainy season and we are lovin’ it!
That said…I will admit that after 10 months, 1 week, and 5 days…the second longest referral wait time in the history of the FBI list…it is not just rainbows and unicorns, daffodils and daisies, hand knit teddy bears and cute fur babies around here. Sometimes there is also longing, frustration, exhaustion, moping, feeling sorry for one’s self, not to mention weird superstitious thoughts like, “If I wear my awesome green blazer today we will get the call”. I have also developed a fear/love for going to the bathroom because I am convinced that the call will come when I am thus indisposed. Yeah, I know. You try waiting for an important call this long and see if you don’t get just a tad neurotic too!
But we are not sad. No, no, no. Those little teddy bears waiting to be loved might be sad, and my pug who wanted me to get back into bed instead of leaving for work was indeed sad, but we are not. We are on the precipice of something AMAZING. Something BEAUTIFUL and amazing!! AND IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN VERY SOON!
Sorry, no shouting.
Off to a meeting in my lucky green blazer...
First of all, there was a TON of happy news this week. Lots of people, whom we have grown to love and care about over the past several months, received court dates or passed court this week. We are overjoyed for these families! And we hope to get our referral in time for some of these wonderful people to give hugs and take pictures of our children when they travel. We also think that all the positive activity this week is a good sign. Things are moving and shaking again after a slow, quiet rainy season and we are lovin’ it!
That said…I will admit that after 10 months, 1 week, and 5 days…the second longest referral wait time in the history of the FBI list…it is not just rainbows and unicorns, daffodils and daisies, hand knit teddy bears and cute fur babies around here. Sometimes there is also longing, frustration, exhaustion, moping, feeling sorry for one’s self, not to mention weird superstitious thoughts like, “If I wear my awesome green blazer today we will get the call”. I have also developed a fear/love for going to the bathroom because I am convinced that the call will come when I am thus indisposed. Yeah, I know. You try waiting for an important call this long and see if you don’t get just a tad neurotic too!
But we are not sad. No, no, no. Those little teddy bears waiting to be loved might be sad, and my pug who wanted me to get back into bed instead of leaving for work was indeed sad, but we are not. We are on the precipice of something AMAZING. Something BEAUTIFUL and amazing!! AND IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN VERY SOON!
Sorry, no shouting.
Off to a meeting in my lucky green blazer...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Let The Court Dates Begin
The rainy season has ended and the courts in Ethiopia reopened this week!
I realize not everyone reads about Ethiopian adoption as religiously as we do so the short of it is this...
In order for a family to legally become parent(s) to Ethiopian children, they must first pass court in Ethiopia. Ethiopian courts go on recess every year during the rainy season, which lasts about two months - from the end of August to the end of September/early October. The exact date that they reopen is never set in stone, and this year it extended an extra two weeks beyond what was originally expected.
Referrals (when a family is told of a match) still occur during the rainy season. Referrals, of course, bring happy times, but nothing more can happen until the family passes court. Personally, I think this "court date" stage of waiting sounds so much harder than the stage Mark and I are in. Can you imagine falling head over heals for a picture? Getting a glimpse into a blossoming personality, getting updates and seeing your child, whom you have yet to hold, growing, changing, and learning without you? Can you imagine feeling all the feelings parents feel but without the ability to sing, kiss, comfort, cuddle, feed, teach or protect...?
I can.
And so we wait excitedly for our wait list buddies to get their court dates!
COME ON COURT DATES!!!
I realize not everyone reads about Ethiopian adoption as religiously as we do so the short of it is this...
In order for a family to legally become parent(s) to Ethiopian children, they must first pass court in Ethiopia. Ethiopian courts go on recess every year during the rainy season, which lasts about two months - from the end of August to the end of September/early October. The exact date that they reopen is never set in stone, and this year it extended an extra two weeks beyond what was originally expected.
Referrals (when a family is told of a match) still occur during the rainy season. Referrals, of course, bring happy times, but nothing more can happen until the family passes court. Personally, I think this "court date" stage of waiting sounds so much harder than the stage Mark and I are in. Can you imagine falling head over heals for a picture? Getting a glimpse into a blossoming personality, getting updates and seeing your child, whom you have yet to hold, growing, changing, and learning without you? Can you imagine feeling all the feelings parents feel but without the ability to sing, kiss, comfort, cuddle, feed, teach or protect...?
I can.
And so we wait excitedly for our wait list buddies to get their court dates!
COME ON COURT DATES!!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
10 Months Down...
...and still feeling strong! Mark and I were checking in with each other at dinner on Friday night and even after completing ten months on the wait list, we both agree that we cannot complain about this wait. Being patient is challenging, sure, but we think what lies on the other side of this is so wonderful and so worth waiting for.We are also acutely aware of the loss that is occurring in our children's and their birth family's lives. In light of that awareness any feelings of impatience just seem selfish and trivial. We are praying double time for everyone who is connected to our adoption...people half way around the world, whom we may never even know, but whose lives will be connected to ours forever. We hope that our children are healthy and happy and already in Gladney's care...and we know in our hearts that we will see their little faces when the timing is right.
“Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope.” ~Corazon Aquino quotes (Political leader and president (1986-92) of the Philippines, b.1933)
Friday, October 9, 2009
I interrupt this adoption blog...
...to wish my husband a happy 4th wedding anniversary! You are my very best friend and our years together have been truly wonderful. May we share many, many more!
All my love,
Heidi
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Resilience
I have mentioned a time or two that I have found this long wait to be rewarding in unexpected ways.
One way has been the unforeseen network of amazing people that have come into my life - some of whom I see regularly, some occasionally, and others only via the internet but who nonetheless have become friends. All of you and all your support has been invaluable to me.
Another important benefit has been the opportunity to further develop my skills at being resilient.
Resilience is defined as both the ability to adapt to difficult situations and the ability to discover new opportunities for personal growth in the face of adversity. It is the art of bouncing back, adapting to change, and handling stressful situations with a positive outlook. People who are resilient still feel the same things that everybody else feels but they find ways to remain optimistic and to persevere.
The world of international adoption has offered me some amazing role models in this skill over the past year. Anyone who has followed this family, or this family, or the D. Family (no blog but personal friends of ours) knows what I am talking about.
A year ago, overwhelmed with all the things that could potentially go wrong with our adoption, I wondered how I would ever remain optimistic and hopeful. But here I am, five days shy of ten months on the wait list, feeling optimistic and hopeful. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments when I feel all sorts of yucky emotions, but they are fleeting and I have developed strategies for coping with them (that don't include potato chips, chocolate or ice cream!).
I recently came across 5 Quick Tips for Building Your Resiliency Right Now, by Joni S. Mantell, LCSW, Director of Infertility and Adoption Counseling Center. Thought some of you might find this helpful so I paraphrase the key points below. You can read the unabridged version here.
1. Get Connected.
Absolutely nothing helps more with adversity and stress than to feel the support and validation of people who understand and/or care about you. Find a way to communicate. Essentially you will want to build a web of connectedness. You may find your support within your relationship, with a friend, a counselor or in a support group; and most likely you will get something from each of these sources at different times.
2. Take care of yourself.
Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally. This includes participating in activities and with people you enjoy or trying something new, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep and eating well. And if you need to, take a mental health break from obligatory social activities that upset you because your feelings about not having a baby get stirred up. This is a normal reaction to your difficult situation. Remember this is temporary and that you will not always need to do this, so it's ok to avoid uncomfortable social situations for awhile.
3. Remember that laughter is always the best medicine.
Use humor and laughter whenever you can. Remaining positive or finding humor in distressing or stressful situations does not mean you are in denial. Humor is a helpful coping mechanism. If you simply cannot find humor in your situation, turn to other sources for a laugh, such as a funny book, movie or friend. File this tip under "distraction is a necessity."
4. Work toward your goals.
All you really have to do is take one step at a time. Resilient people keep learning and trying even when they feel upset. The answers will reveal themselves even if you do not or cannot know what they are at this point in time.
5. Learn how to make decisions when under stress.
A resilient person is an individual facing serious difficulties that accepts them as a pivotal moment. Whatever brought you to this point of needing to become more resilient, may actually turn out to be the same thing that leads you to gain a new appreciation for life, for your relationships and your personal capacities to handle stress, solve problems and make sound decisions. Try to be proud of yourself and keep moving on.
So feel proud and keep writing, or talking to your families and friends, or leaving comments on stranger’s blogs if that’s your thing (I love all you commenters!). Onward brave adoption soldiers! Every day brings us one day closer to our babies!
One way has been the unforeseen network of amazing people that have come into my life - some of whom I see regularly, some occasionally, and others only via the internet but who nonetheless have become friends. All of you and all your support has been invaluable to me.
Another important benefit has been the opportunity to further develop my skills at being resilient.
Resilience is defined as both the ability to adapt to difficult situations and the ability to discover new opportunities for personal growth in the face of adversity. It is the art of bouncing back, adapting to change, and handling stressful situations with a positive outlook. People who are resilient still feel the same things that everybody else feels but they find ways to remain optimistic and to persevere.
The world of international adoption has offered me some amazing role models in this skill over the past year. Anyone who has followed this family, or this family, or the D. Family (no blog but personal friends of ours) knows what I am talking about.
A year ago, overwhelmed with all the things that could potentially go wrong with our adoption, I wondered how I would ever remain optimistic and hopeful. But here I am, five days shy of ten months on the wait list, feeling optimistic and hopeful. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments when I feel all sorts of yucky emotions, but they are fleeting and I have developed strategies for coping with them (that don't include potato chips, chocolate or ice cream!).
I recently came across 5 Quick Tips for Building Your Resiliency Right Now, by Joni S. Mantell, LCSW, Director of Infertility and Adoption Counseling Center. Thought some of you might find this helpful so I paraphrase the key points below. You can read the unabridged version here.
1. Get Connected.
Absolutely nothing helps more with adversity and stress than to feel the support and validation of people who understand and/or care about you. Find a way to communicate. Essentially you will want to build a web of connectedness. You may find your support within your relationship, with a friend, a counselor or in a support group; and most likely you will get something from each of these sources at different times.
2. Take care of yourself.
Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally. This includes participating in activities and with people you enjoy or trying something new, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep and eating well. And if you need to, take a mental health break from obligatory social activities that upset you because your feelings about not having a baby get stirred up. This is a normal reaction to your difficult situation. Remember this is temporary and that you will not always need to do this, so it's ok to avoid uncomfortable social situations for awhile.
3. Remember that laughter is always the best medicine.
Use humor and laughter whenever you can. Remaining positive or finding humor in distressing or stressful situations does not mean you are in denial. Humor is a helpful coping mechanism. If you simply cannot find humor in your situation, turn to other sources for a laugh, such as a funny book, movie or friend. File this tip under "distraction is a necessity."
4. Work toward your goals.
All you really have to do is take one step at a time. Resilient people keep learning and trying even when they feel upset. The answers will reveal themselves even if you do not or cannot know what they are at this point in time.
5. Learn how to make decisions when under stress.
A resilient person is an individual facing serious difficulties that accepts them as a pivotal moment. Whatever brought you to this point of needing to become more resilient, may actually turn out to be the same thing that leads you to gain a new appreciation for life, for your relationships and your personal capacities to handle stress, solve problems and make sound decisions. Try to be proud of yourself and keep moving on.
So feel proud and keep writing, or talking to your families and friends, or leaving comments on stranger’s blogs if that’s your thing (I love all you commenters!). Onward brave adoption soldiers! Every day brings us one day closer to our babies!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Milk Carton Theory
Dates have taken on new meaning during this year of waiting. Anything that has a date associated with it ~ a dentist appointment, perishable goods, an upcoming social event ~ gets me wondering if we will have our referral by that day.
Every few weeks I buy a new carton of milk and hope that I will know my children's names before it expires. I must admit, I was a little surprised last week when I went to have a bowl of cereal and found that the milk had soured. I had been pretty confident that this time we would get our call before that happened.
But October has been a lucky month for me. It is the month I fulfilled my dream to move to New York City. It is the month I bought my first home. And it is the month I got married. Will it be the month that we see our children's faces for the first time? I sure do hope so. At the very least, my theory is that THIS will be the very last carton of milk I buy before I do.
In other news, we had a wonderful time last night visiting with Scott and Ryan Brown from Gladney, and Segi Desta who is on the Gladney Board of Directors and who was instrumental in getting the Ethiopia program up and running. They were in town for the Gladney Cup and ventured out in a horrific rain storm to meet with us, and several other local Gladney Ethiopia families, to share a meal. Mark made a big pot of chili, and I insisted he use ground turkey instead of beef. He was a little worried about how this "Connecticut Chili" would be received by our Texan guests of honor. Fortunately it seemed to be a big hit with all. We had a wonderful time and I am continually awed by how fortunate we are to know these amazing people and to have such a wonderful group of families in our area.
We will see these local families again next weekend for the second birthday of a little cutie who came home last November. October 10th is the date of that party. October 9th is our anniversary. October 5th, 6th, 7th or 8th sure would make perfect dates for that all important call!
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