Onward Ethiopia!

Our hearts have won the debate and we are sticking with our plan to adopt from Ethiopia! No surprise to those of you who know us well. This feels so right - head, heart and soul - and we are ecstatic!

Our agency estimates that we will have our baby home in 9 – 11 months…in other words, sometime late spring or summer. This means that our baby EXISTS in some stage of development and could even be a little newborn. Wow! If you are the praying kind, please help us pray for our baby’s safety and happiness while we make our way through all the red tape, and for our baby’s birth family, who must be going through a very tough time.

We just returned from a week at the beach which necessitated a pause in our progress with all the paperwork. Although frustrating for me, task master that I am, it was good to take a step back and let it all sink in and just spend some time together as an expectant couple. Poking through the tourist shops we couldn’t help ourselves and made our first baby purchases…a teeny tiny Red Sox hat and three stuffed animals that look like our three dogs. My sister and brother-in-law also got us a scrap book that is so cute and made especially for adoptive families to record and share their journey with their child. Little Baby Newcombe has his or her first hat, first book and first toys!

The week before vaca we made major strides forward with the less fun stuff (aka paperwork! Although I have to admit, even the paperwork is somewhat enjoyable for me since each completed form gets us one step closer to bringing that kid home!). We submitted our Form 1-600A*, completed our agency orientation, had our first interview with our Home Study** social worker and spoke with someone about helping us with our dossier***! As soon as I finish this entry I am going to turn my attention to the Gladney application and some of the dossier paperwork. We are getting there, inch by inch!

*I-600A: This is a petition to the USCIS (formerly the INS) to obtain pre-approval to adopt a foreign born orphan. It entails completing forms and submitting documents like birth and marriage certificates. The Home Study must be completed and submitted at which point the adoptive family receives appointments to be fingerprinted and then they wait for approval. This takes about 3 months to complete.

**Home study: (adoption study) The Home Study an investigative study of the family and home usually completed in 3 visits with a social worker plus successful completion of 10 hours of adoptive parenting classes. The home study will approve or deny the adoptive family for placement of a child.

***Dossier: This is a packet comprised of all the forms necessary to complete an international adoption. Most dossiers require birth and marriage certificates, background check clearances, fingerprint clearances, approved home study, employee letter, INS Clearance, medical evaluations, and photos. These forms must be translated and legalized. This is the official document that goes to the government of the foreign country.

A Fork in the Road

Just when we thought we had left the endless trail of decisions behind us....

A couple days ago I had a conversation with a friend of my mother. This woman has a private adoption practice in the state of NH and what I learned from her is that some of our fears and doubts about domestic adoption are unfounded. We had read and heard many scary things about birth mothers in crisis, birth mothers using drugs and alcohol, and birth mothers changing their minds. We also worried, at the grand old age of 40, that we would sit around waiting forever for a birth mother to choose us. But apparently all those scary birth mother stories, however common in other parts of the country, are extremely rare in good ol' wholesome NH. We also learned that this woman has a 90% success rate, which means not many birth mothers are changing their minds and deciding to parent. She only has 12 other couples waiting for a referral and they are all old foggies like us. She thinks, although there are no guarantees, that it would probably take 1 - 1.5 years to complete an adoption (Ethiopia would be one year or less if things go right).

So, since our prior reasons for ruling out domestic adoption are out the window, we are AGAIN looking at the differences between a domestic vs. Ethiopian adoption. We think there are advantages to holding your child the moment she is born, to knowing the health and background of the mother, and it would be less complicated (not better, just less complicated) to have a child who looks like us. We think there would be fewer health risks and there certainly would be less paperwork if we went domestic! All that said, our hearts won't let us forget that we have been truly excited about adopting from Ethiopia. When we started this journey we never thought we would be adopting from Africa but now, three months later, we can't see ourselves not adopting from Africa. We are giving ourselves the weekend to think it over, but here's a video and song by Sarah Groves that says a lot about what we are feeling. This was filmed in Rwanda but it also applies to Ethiopia. (Turn up the volumn and listen to the lyrics. If you are the sentimental type you might want to get the Kleenex!)



I Saw What I  Saw
~by Sara Groves


I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road
Cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
And what I know of love

We've done what we've done and we can't erase it
We are what we are and it's more than enough
We have what we have but it's no substitution

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm made of
And what I know of love

Something on the road
Cut me to the soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction
Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
Ooohhh...
Your dreams inspire
Ooohhh...
Your face a memory
Ooohhh...
Your hope a fire
Ooohhh...

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of
Your courage asks me what I am made of
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of
And what I know of love,
And what I know of God.

Step Two!

We made some big and exciting decisions today! We have chosen our country (Ethiopia), our agency (Gladney), and we have an appointment to start our Home Study next Thursday! It felt like we would never arrive at these decisions (because I am such a research junky) but it was worth all the time and effort. Read on if you want to know more about how we came to these decisions...

Why Ethiopia
There were so many things to consider and we wanted to be sure that it was not only our hearts, but also our heads weighing in on what is right for our family. Here are some of the reasons we choose Ethiopia:

Overwhelming Need: Due to extreme poverty, there are approximately 4.3 million orphans in Ethiopia. Ethiopia is unique in the world of adoption because most of the children in orphanages are “true” orphans, poverty and disease having left multitudes of children without parents. I know all the children available for adoption need us but we feel that Ethiopia needs us a just a little more than most.

Upbeat Culture: In spite of extreme hardship the Ethiopian culture is warm and upbeat and many of the children are loved and cared for before ending up in an orphanage. The orphanages are also very well run and children receive superior medical and emotional attention. For these reasons there are far fewer cases of attachment or other emotional disorders, unlike children in the over crowded institutional orphanages of other countries.

Babies!: How long a child experiences institutional life is critically important. I read (on http://www.drspock.com/) that children adopted before age six months usually recover emotionally, even if they have experienced severe deprivation, but after that the risk of emotional problems rises. We will love this child no matter what problems arise but being new to the world of parenting we would like to minimize our risk of long term challenges (other than the usual ones!). Ethiopia, unlike many countries, has young infants available for adoption.

Health Concerns: Ethiopian children have far fewer cases of FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) than other countries. Even though most countries test for HIV, PCR HIV testing is the gold standard for HIV testing in youngsters less than 2 years of age but the resources are limited for this type of testing in countries outside of the U.S.. Ethiopia is the only international adoption program where it is available. Malnutrition, bacterial infections, and parasites are common health issues but all of these things are treatable with minimal long term effects. Also, the renoun Doctor Jane Aronson (at least renown to those of us in the international adoption world) operates out of NYC and has an adopted son from Ethiopia. We expect that she will be a tremendous resource for us. Check her out: http://www.orphandoctor.com/

Wait Times: Unlike many countries, Ethiopia has a fairly quick turn around time. The woman I spoke with today at our agency said, “If you are an aggressive woman (and if you know me you know that I am!), it will take 11 – 12 months from today’s phone call to bringing your child home”. Eeek! So exciting! There are no guarantees in the world of adoption but Ethiopia is a fairly stable program and they have to go through 13 government agencies to make any changes so change does not come quickly.

Extended Community: We have found a few families in our area who have adopted or are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. These people have already been tremendously supportive and helpful and we love the fact that we will have a local support group of “families like us”. Thanks again to those of you who helped us get to where we are now.

Gut Feeling: Ok, all those bullets above are our “heads” weighing in. The part that I cannot put in a bullet list is just how right this feels. We are so happy and can’t stop the tears of joy at the thought of our future family (Mark will kill me for telling you that he too is crying but I think it’s wonderful!).

Why GladneyWe also did our due diligence when it came to choosing an agency. This was an even harder process than choosing a country because there are SO many agencies to choose from. We started looking at agencies in our local area, thinking that the face to face contact would be important, but ultimately we decided that reputation, experience, humanitarian efforts, how the agency responded to our questions, and wait times mattered more than having a local office. Here are some of the reasons we chose Gladney:

• 
  
  
  They have been facilitating adoptions for 120 years and are highly ethical
• 
  
  
  Their Ethiopia program is one of the oldest and largest in Ethiopia and they do more than just facilitate adoptions. They are also very active in providing for the many children who will never be adopted.
• 
  
  
  In spite of the fact they have an established Ethiopia program, they do not have a problem with wait times because they work with several orphanages and have over 80 staff living in Ethiopia. Some of the other more established agencies operating in Ethiopia were estimating wait times at 18 to 22 months (compared to Gladney’s 3 – 6 months)
• 
  
  
  They have three private care facilities in Ethiopia that the children are taken to. The children receive excellent medical care and lots of love and attention in these wait houses.
• 
  
  
  There are several families in Fairfield County who have adopted from Ethiopia through Gladney and they all rave about what a great agency it is.
• 
  
  
  They have been easy to deal with.

So that's all for now. I need to stop writing and start cleaning and baby-proofing the house so that we pass the home study!

And So The Journey Begins!

I never really thought of myself as the 'blogger' type but the path to adoption is full of so many twists and turns and decisions and emotions, and I have found such comfort and support from reading other adoptive parent's stories, that I decided what the heck. Maybe our story will help someone else, and it certainly will be nice for us, for our children, and hopefully for our family and friends, to have a record of this amazing journey. I promise I will try not to sound like one of those 'look at me' mass produced Christmas update letters!

So here's where we are. After attending information sessions, searching the Internet, reading books, looking at blogs, talking to everyone we know who has adopted, and asking a million questions on Yahoo Groups, our hearts and our heads are leaning toward Ethiopia. When I showed Mark the picture of this little girl he sounded like he wanted to jump on a plane and go looking for her immediately! Can you blame him? Just look at that cutie! There are so many good reasons to adopt from Ethiopia, but I will save that for another day.

We have discovered a few new people to talk to about domestic adoption so we have reopened the door to that possibility. We are also very close to choosing an agency should we decide to move forward with an International Adoption from Ethiopia. In the interest of keeping the ball moving forward while we decide between these two options, we have chosen someone to help us complete our Home Study and I plan to call her first thing tomorrow morning! Yippee!

I want to say a special thanks to our family and friends for their enthusiastic support. Telling you our decision to adopt has been so rewarding and you have heightened our joy and excitement. I also want to thank those of you out there who have done this before. Your stories have touched us and you have helped us navigate this, at times overwhelming, sea of decisions. How did people do this before the support of kind strangers on the Internet?!

Anyway, that's all for now. We are overjoyed to finally be on the path to finding our child. Stay tuned, there's lots more to come!

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss