Wordless Wednesday (Almost)

Terrified of the Pigs, Beardsley Zoo, June 2010



Facinated by the Pigs, Beardsley Zoo, June 2011

Wordless Thursday

The Father of My Children

I met Mark nine years ago at a weekend getaway in VT. Very quickly it became apparent to all of us that he had a way with children. It was one of the many reasons I fell in love with him.

To my surprise, it took awhile for him to come around to the idea of becoming a father himself. Children continued to gravitate to him, and he to them, but in spite of what everyone else thought, he wasn't sure if he would be a good father. I thought it was a reflection of how seriously he took the responsiblity of fatherhood and hoped in time he would come around. He did agree to become a Doggy Daddy and proved himself to be a patient and nurturing father figure to our furry children.

Obviously, and thankfully, he finally did come around. He agreed to start our family almost three years ago to the day, and he officially became a father this time of year last year. As with all big things in life it feels like it was just yesterday and a hundred years ago all at the same time.

Over this past year, Mark has proven himself to be the father I knew he would be and more. It has not always been easy but sometimes he makes it look that way. When he puts our children to bed they fall asleep faster and sleep longer and sounder. He keeps them from harm in spite of their fearless and sometimes reckless natures. They share his love of spicy food and steak and already appreciate and imitate his terrific sense of humor. Most importantly, he makes them feel safe and loved.

Watching my husband grow and blossom in his role as a father has been a great joy for me. I have heard other people say this and it is true for me too--as my husband's love for our children has grown, so has my love for him. I am so proud of the man and father that he has become.

Happy Father's Day, Mark! As were your sons, you and your timing for fatherhood were worth waiting for. We love you and all that you do for us!

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Wordless Wednesday

Pineapples, Mommy and T-Rex

We took the boys to their new pre-school for a couple hours today to meet their teachers and classmates and get a little used to the environment. They did so well!

When we got home I asked them what their favorite activity was.

Taye said, "The pineapple" referring to the tissue paper pineapple he made as an art project.

Dash said, "Mommy" then he thought for a minute and amended his statement. "Mommy and T-Rex."

They go without Mommy in two weeks. My heart is simultaneously rejoicing at the amazing progress our boys have made and a little sad to be moving onto this next stage of independence. Boy oh boy does it go by quickly, especially when your children join the family at 2 years and 10 months of age!

One Year!

One year ago today I awoke in one of the most beautiful places on earth. The sun wasn't up but the birds were singing and the air was cool and moist on the shores of Lake Awassa. My stomach was in knots in anticipation of what awaited me on the other side of a six hour drive to Addis Ababa.

In Melissa Fay Greene's new book, No Biking In the House Without a Helmet, she writes:

"I was beside myself with excitement and a kind of stage fright. For the second time in my life I prepared to meet a child who was going to call me Mama. There can be no other demarcation of time, no other "life-cycle event" as significant a crossing-over as this one. Marriage is momentous, but in most of the modern world, brides and grooms stand at the alter beside their beloved. Childbirth is a major event, but it, like marraige, follows a deep prior connection. Now the elderly guard pulled open the gates and I prepared to meet a person who would join, and change, my life permanently."

I have never been as nervous as I was while we waited for those gates to open. I have never wanted so much for someone to like me, nor ever felt so certain that someone would not.

Then they arrived, wearing the cloths we had sent over months before and holding on to sticky sweet caraminas for dear life. When I show these pictures to the boys they ask, "What Mama say?"

They already know the answer but I tell them again how I leaned into the car, looked into their beautiful eyes for the first time and said, "Selam! Attafra. Ishi." (Hello! Don't be afraid. It's ok.)

"Then what Mama say?" 

I tell them, "Lay-ah-zek?" (Can I hold you?) and describe how Dash examined my face intently, then lifted his little arms up to me. All four of their arms are in the air reaching for me before I finish retelling my story.

They were so uncertain and scared but so very, very brave.

How all this came to be, how perfectly these two children fit in this family, is a miracle to me. It has restored my faith in life, love and God to a level I haven't known since I was a child myself.

Happy Family Day, sweet boys! Thank you for changing my life for the better and making me the luckiest and happiest Mama on earth!

Processing

This time of year is now and forever full of powerful memories for our family.

I thought our one year anniversary (this coming Monday) would be all about joy and celebration. On the one hand we are celebrating and have so much to be joyful and grateful for, but in my heart I am also still processing so much, and in reality I am trying to help my children process the profoundness of their past.

For example:

A few days ago at breakfast I said, "One year ago today we were on a plane to Ethiopia to meet you guys!"

We looked at pictures and talked about our story as a family and their stories as individuals, which are neck and neck with "Curious George and the Dump Truck" for favorite stories of all time.

Taye told me that he was "a little scared" the day we met, and he wanted to know why Dash had a caramina (lollipop) in the picture but he did not have one (his caramina was hidden behind Mark's back).

Dash said he wasn't scared that day.

"I not scared, Mommy!"

 But then he said, "Mommy, I no go Efeeopia. DashandTaye stay MommyDaddy. OK?"

I have written about this before. He has said this many times this year. All I can do is tell him again that our family is permanent and hope that some day he really believes it.

Yesterday at breakfast we talked about how the boys will start school soon. All year we have talked about school, teachers, what they will learn, the friends that they will make...we have made a big deal about it. Not too long ago, maybe two or three months back, Taye figured out that school meant being away from Mommy and Daddy and he decided that he did not want to go to school. We didn't think it was time yet either so we backed off. Now he feels differently and we had an excited conversation about the kids, the teacher, art projects, letters and numbers...then the conversation took a new direction.

Me: "So Mommy and Daddy will bring you to school and you will stay there without Mommy and Daddy like you did when you stayed with Honey and Doc (their grandparents), and then we will come get you and you will come home for lunch."

Taye: "Toys there?"

Me: "Yes, there will be toys there and other kids and a really nice teacher who will take care of you until Mommy and Daddy come get you."

Taye: "Like Efeeopia? Like Gladney?"

Mark and I tried not to look at each other. We were both thinking, "Holy Crap!"

Me: "Yes, it will be a little like when you lived in Ethiopia at the Gladney Care Center, except this time you will have breakfast with Mommy and Daddy, then go to school for just a little while, then come home for lunch, dinner and sleep with Mommy and Daddy. You'll make lots of friends there and it will be fun, but you will always come home to be with Mommy and Daddy."

Then...

Taye: "Like Halchitu?"

Halchitu is their birthmother.

Me: "Like Halchitu? What do you mean, Sweetie?"

Taye: "Like Halchitu goodbye?"

Last May we met and said goodbye to Halchitu. I don't know how concrete the boys' memories are of her prior to that day, but the memories of that day are sad, confusing and complicated for our children.

Me: "Well..." buying myself a little time while I choke down a bunch of emotions, "We will say goodbye but only for a little while. Remember when you stayed with Honey and Doc and Mommy and Daddy came back in a few hours? Well, it will be a lot like that. We will say goodbye after breakfast but we will come get you before lunch, so we won't be sad like when we had to say goodbye to Halchitu. Mommy and Daddy will always come get you. School is just something you will do for a little while during the day and then you'll come home."

Taye: "Yeah! DashTaye go school. Like Mommy go work. DashTaye go WORK!"

Dash stared down at his breakfast and offered not a word during this exchange, but was back in the game once the conversation returned to quoting movie lines from Cars and demanding more fruit for their oatmeal.

How can a person read about conversations like this for three years and then feel completely inadequate and unprepared when it finally happens at your own breakfast table?

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Melkam Fasika!

Ten Months Home - Full to the Brim

“In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.” ~Mother Teresa

There are still lots of small and big things happening around here but I struggle to find the time to write about them...or maybe it's that I'm just not sure where to take this blog. Writing about "the wait" and even writing about our transition was easier than writing about day to day life for me.

Life has also been rather full lately—too full to step back and do any meaningful reflection or follow along with my favorite bloggers for inspiration and camaraderie. I miss that—if anyone is still reading, I miss you!

As you may have gathered from my last post, my mother-in-law is struggling with a serious illness. She is doing better but she could use your thoughts and prayers if you are so inclined.

Also in the category of "big stuff"—my sister gave birth to her first child a few weeks ago. This tiny little person has brought us so much joy.

Her arrival has also continued to spur conversations about babies in tummies, birth mothers and adoptive mothers, and daily requests for “Mommy, please Kangaroo pouch”.

Work has been exceedingly, insanely busy. The boys miss me and I miss them but we are surviving it and my husband gets credit for that. Things should slow down by the end of May and then we’ll have more time over the summer. Oh hooray for summer! The ability to be outside for long stretches cannot come soon enough!

The boys continue to amaze me. I am no longer concerned about their agility or speech or growth. They are talking up a storm—full sentences and adorable use of phrases and expressions. In 10 months they went from a 2T to a 3T to a 4T and were bordering on a 5T (in girth anyway!) when suddenly they slimmed down and shot up and are now a 3T again but this time without the cuffed pant legs. Good timing since they now fit perfectly into their warmer weather clothing from last year. Now all we need is the warmer weather...

They keep me laughing and they are huge hams. Most of the pictures I take these days look something like this...

There are little songs with made up lyrics sung in strange voices to go along with those weird facial expressions! Music continues to be a favorite past time.

They have also discovered a passion for fantasy role playing, costumes and forts. Arrrgh, Matey!

We achieved a huge milestone last weekend when Mark and I left the boys for the first time since returning from Ethiopia. It was a four hour soirée complete with shopping and dinner—never mind that we were back by 7:30 and it felt like midnight! We wanted to take this step a couple months ago but emotionally we didn't think they were ready. It's hard to explain but our guts told us it was time and we were right. Thanks to these two for making it such a huge success!

In six weeks we will have been together as a family for a full year—wow! It has been quite a year, full to the brim indeed, and I marvel at the profound perfection of it all. How did I get this lucky?