The Difference a Year Makes

November 2009 was a very challenging time for our family. We had been on the wait list eleven months, a record with our agency as far as we could tell, and we received a series of phone calls from our case worker that presented us with a unique and unexpected set of challenges.

First our case worker called to ask us if we would be interested in increasing our age preference to pursue a sibling pair that was about to become available. She could not tell us anything about these children other than their ages, but as I listened to her talk on the other end of the phone, all I could think was, “That’s not them”. I asked her a few questions, most of which she couldn’t answer, but mostly I just kept asking, “Are you SURE we haven’t been matched yet??” I just couldn’t shake the feeling that the children she was talking about weren’t the ones meant for our family. She said she wasn't sure. There was the possiblity that the in country staff had matched us and she didn't know about it yet. After talking it over with Mark, who had the same gut reaction, we called her back to tell her that we wanted to keep our age preference unchanged.

The days that followed were some of the most difficult of my life. I had many moments of doubt and was deeply saddened by our decision to turn this sibling group away, even though I was certain that another family would accept the referral and that they were not the children meant for our family. I was distraught at the prospect of waiting another several months. We had been pretty sure that we would have our children home for the holidays and now it seemed that we wouldn’t even have a referral to celebrate by then. I was a mess.

Six days later, I was standing in a train station when I received another call from our case worker. Again she was asking if we wanted to increase our age preference in order to pursue a sibling pair that was about to become available. She still couldn’t tell me much about them, couldn’t share pictures, but this time she was able to tell me age and gender.

“Fourteen month old twin boys” she said.

“THAT’S THEM!” screamed the voice in my head. In July, Mark and a good friend and I had written our predictions on a blackboard in our kitchen. I had written "14 month old twin boys".

Turned out they were 26 months old, but that's another story...

It was extremely tough waiting another couple months for our referral. People would tell me, "At least the holidays will keep you distracted", but at that point nothing could distract me and the holidays just made me sad that we had no children to celebrate with.

With one hundred percent certainty, I can say that these are the children that were meant for our family, and every minute of that extra wait...I would do it again and again and again to get to my boys.

Early December 2009
Photo taken one month pre-referral thanks to the Britt Family

November 2010

If you are still waiting, maybe trying to forget that you thought you would already have your children home for the holidays, hang in there. You will be writing a post like this one too next year, and saying a prayer of thanks that you followed your heart to the child or children at your Thanksgiving table.

Worth the wait