If you are the parent or perspective parent of an internationally adopted child, you probably know that the ages of children available for adoption are often a little, or a lot, fuzzy. Even in relinquishment cases, in a country like Ethiopia where they do not celebrate birthdays like we do in the US, and have a completely different calendar system, a birth date is often an estimate. If a child is abandoned in infancy, obviously the exact birth date is unknown, but there is a smaller window for error with a young infant. With older children the effects of malnutrition can make it more difficult to determine an accurate age until the child has been home in the US for a period of time.
Age has been a question mark for us from the beginning. First the orphanage that our boys spent a week at made their estimate. Then our agency’s doctor increased that estimate when they first came into care, and then again after they had been in care for a couple months and started walking and talking. Finally the birth family was interviewed and they gave an even older age. This is the age that is on their Ethiopian birth certificates.
When we were in Ethiopia, one of the boys spent some time in the hospital. The attending pediatrician thought that they were younger. Our pediatrician at home, and a pediatrician at the Yale International Adoption Clinic, also thought they were younger by about six months when they were evaluated in June. I was delighted to have six more months of their life back but we decided to wait a few months before making any decisions.
In August we returned to the Yale International Adoption Clinic to have a developmental evaluation done. The boys’ comprehension of English was improving rapidly but they were nowhere near where they are today. Still, they tested on target for the age on their birth certificates. The evaluation only tested their cognitive development, and physically they seemed much younger than their peers, so we wanted to move their birth date by at least a few months.
Then a month ago we started the re-adoption process and, low and behold, it turns out that it is not so easy to move a birth date. The judge wanted two letters from different doctors stating medical reasons for the change. They did a bone age test, and this too came back on target for the age on their Ethiopian birth certificates. So, no medical proof, no change of birth date.
Tomorrow we will complete the re-adoption of our sons. Their names will legally be changed to the names we have chosen for them and they will receive US Birth Certificates with the birth date specified by their first family in Ethiopia. Emotionally it hasn’t been exactly easy to give up those six months I thought I had regained, and physically they still seem delayed for their age (we are taking them to a pediatric physical therapist next), but after coming all the way round the mulberry bush on this one, I feel good about it.
My babies are three years and three months old, and they don't come any sweeter, smarter or more beautiful at any age!
8 comments:
And three years old it is! They are definitely the most gorgeous boys at any age. Enjoy your celebration tomorrow!
Readoption...yeah, we should probably get on with that! Eek! Have a great day tomorrow!
Don't worry. PT evals are a good gage and a good 'catch up' strategy-- but they are likely still progressing on their own as well. When my guy came home he was 2 years and 9 mo old. He looked acted and moved like a 14-16 mo old. 3 months later at his 3rd birthday he looked like a 2 year old and started developing behaviors and such for a 2 year old. Now he's 3.5 and is acting, emotionally, developmentally and mobility like a 3 year old. It's only been 9 mo. He started here wearing 12 -18mo old clothes and now I'm looking for 4T winter clothes. The evals are a good idea! And your boys are gorgeous. I wish we lived close so we could get all three of them together to play. All my best.
Congrats on completing the re-adoption process!!! So exciting!! And so glad you feel peace about their age. Peace is such a wonderful feeling! XOXOXOXO
I hope SC is better about reaging. I know it depends on the state. My oldest child is clearly 4-6, and his birth certificate says he is 2. I have this fear he won't be driving until after college unless they let him be reaged.
You are right... they don't come sweeter or cuter no matter the age!!!
If OK doesn't let us change her age, Avé will be only one month older than your boys. (which she obviously is not.) But I did hear that OK is better about age adjustment. Getting all my letters together!!!
what a crazy whirlwind. celebrating your readoption completion! miss you!!!
We were hoping to change Eva's birthday too. She's so, so tiny and she's supposed to be turning 3 in January. We just found out we can't change her age, so we'll be celebrating in January and know that in the long run it won't make much difference.
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