Friday, December 19, 2008

Tradition

With Christmas less than a week away I have been thinking a lot about tradition and how it serves as an important anchor in our lives. I did a quick search on the Internet to see what came up and found a lot of stuck-in-the-past commentary, not at all what I was looking for. Then I found, "Tradition is a succession of highly developed and deep insights into human nature, which transfers wisdom of ages from generation to generation."

Well, ok, again not exactly what I was looking for but it explains why my Grandmother's lemon bread is the best in the world, and why consequently I am baking several loaves of it to give as gifts, just as my mother used to do, and probably still would do if she had not created a new tradition of lying on the beach in St. Martin at Christmas! (Hi, Mom, I know your Blackberry works on the beach and, yes, I wish it were 80 degrees here too!).

What I like so much about tradition is that it gives us a sense of belonging and security, some continuity in this ever changing world, and a vehicle for remembering. As a child my favorite traditions centered around the Christmas tree and all the ornaments my family collected over the years. The ones I remember the best are the hand made ones...the soap glitter lump that I made in kindergarten and my mother kept until it disintegrated into nothing, the tiny cloth elf that was my grandmother's that I loved to hide in the branches, the shellacked hand painted cookies my mother and I made when I was in the third or fourth grade. Each ornament carried with it a memory.

I am so excited about creating memories with our children, passing on old and starting new traditions. Here are a few that we plan to carry on:

1. The first year we lived in CT we drove to a Christmas Tree farm and strolled around the fields until we found the perfect tree to cut down. We were surprised to find families hanging out by their cars, cooking food and making a day of it. Kind of like the "G" rated version of a tailgating party! It was a fun day, in spite of the cold and our fear that the tree was going to blow off the top of the car on our way home. We have gone the easier route of buying a tree at Stew Leonard's the past few years but Mark has been asking and would very much like to resurrect this tradition so I'm making it number one! Merry Christmas, Honey! LOL

2. We will make hand made ornaments to adorn our tree and maybe some other hand made gifts. I did this with my mother and have been doing this myself for the past few years and can't wait to have little hands to help me.

3. Food is a big part of any tradition and I have fond memories of baking with my mother. I can't wait to cook Grams' lemon bread and Grammy B's fig bars with the kids! (Of course when they are babies they only get to lick the spoon...and only if the batter doesn't contain raw eggs...sheesh!)

4. Christmas is a great time to practice generosity. I usually participate in a local coat drive and the Winter Wishes program.
http://www.nycares.org/volunteer/annual_events/winter_wishes/index.php.

5. My father got us watching The Christmas Story every year, which is a great holiday tradition. Mark's personal favorite is Elf with Will Farrell. He watches it multiple times every year!

6. When I was a child we listened to a lot of Willy Nelson Christmas music...sorry, Mom, but I might have to retire that one! I do really love the old Bing Crosby songs and we were singing "Baby It's Cold Outside" even before Elf became our favorite Christmas movie.

7. When the children are older we will go into the city to see the tree at Rockefeller Center, look at the window displays and take in other festivities that only NYC can offer. We will definitely hit the Garment District for supplies for our hand crafted ornaments and gifts!

8. We will teach the children about what Christmas is like in Ethiopia. I have learned a little about this on the Internet but I will save that for another post.

And of course we will continue the tradition of spending time with family and friends! I hope everyone is enjoying their own personal favorite holiday traditions and if you have any that are particularly noteworthy please leave a comment and tell us about it.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

WE'RE ON THE WAIT LIST!!!!

Christmas has come early to our home with the news that we are officially on the wait list! The last few steps flew by so quickly that we didn't even have a chance to share the good news! First USCIS approved our application after only 12 days after receiving our home study, a true miracle and I almost hate to post this because I know some people wait months. Then we had this last document notarized and sent off for final authentication, another step that we expected to take at least a couple weeks but we only had to wait 5 days! So as of last Thursday our dossier is complete, we are officially on the wait list, and our agency can now start the process of matching us with our future children. WOW!

Yes, I did say children, as in more than one. We have decided that we will wait whatever time it takes to match us with a sibling pair. After all, it has already been 5 months, 4 weeks and 1 day since we decided to adopt (not that I'm counting...), and it will be another several months before we are through with this process, so what's an extra couple months? Our agency is working to match us with either twins ages 0 - 12 months, or a sibling pair with one child 0 - 12 months and the second child up to 2 1/2 years old at time of referral. We are leaving things open on gender since we would be happy with either...or both!

Our agency is still saying that referral times are averaging 4 to 6 months. Although we are hoping for the best, we are taking those time frames with a grain of salt. The local CT friends that we met through our agency have been waiting 6 full months for referrals lately and some even as long as 8 months for siblings. Also, once we get our referral we will have to wait for a court date, then pass court (hopefully the first time) and then travel to bring them home. This means that another three to six months could pass between referral and homecoming. As you can see, we still have a long way to go but we are overjoyed to finally be officially in line! Hooray!!!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Gobble, Gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Mark and I are having a quiet Thanksgiving at home this year and enjoying every relaxing minute of it. We hope to have two new additions to our Thanksgiving table by this time next year!!!

There are so many things that we are thankful for. Here are a few, in no particular order...
We are thankful for each other, for the love of our families and the support of our friends (including the four legged furry ones).
We are thankful for the roof over our heads, the food on our plates and the warm cloths on our backs.
We are thankful for our health and the health of our families and friends (including the four legged furry ones).
We are thankful that we live in a country that aims for equality and for the structure established by our forefathers that limits and controls the arbitrary power of government.
We are thankful for the right to property, for the free markets, for the freedom of speech and the freedom to worship.
We are thankful that our friends got their referral yesterday for a 4 month old boy and a 22 month old girl from Ethiopia! We are overjoyed for them!
We are thankful that another friend just returned safely from Ethiopia with her 15 month old daughter!
And last but not least, we are thankful that we received official approval from our adoption agency on Tuesday! This is the second to last step before getting on the wait list and it means that we now begin working with the social worker who will be placing our children with us.
We wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving and hope you have as many blessings to be thankful for as we do.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Tag, I'm It



I have been watching other Gladney Family blogs get "tagged" for a while and now I have been tagged by http://cocoprincesslovenotes.blogspot.com/. Thanks, Coco Princess' Mom, I am happy to play along and I appreciate the introduction into the greater Gladney Family blog community :-)


1. I once had a brief conversation with Harrison Ford. I was in the lounge at the Mercer Hotel in NYC, which is supposed to be for hotel guests and elite clientele only, but my friend and I snuck in for a glass of wine. Harrison Ford and some older gentleman came in and sat down across from us and after trying to play it cool for a half hour I leaned over and said something smooth like "sorry to bother you but I just wanted to tell you how much I love your movies"...not very original, I know! He responded with "Your not from around here, are you?", which I am pretty sure is a line from at least one of his movies, and probably a pretty good guess seeing as we were in the lobby of a hotel. I was actually living in NYC at the time but who was I to contradict Harrison Ford so I told him I was originally from Maine and we had a little chat about the time he had spent in Bar Harbor. Sadly the conversation ended when a group of giggling girls came over to ask for his autograph.


2. Spaghetti and meatballs used to be my favorite food and I once went on a quest for the perfect meatball, which back in 1993 was found at Stella's in Seattle. That was in my 20's and I no longer eat large bowls of pasta or meatballs since they tend to end up somewhere they are not welcome now that I am in my 40's!


3. My husband and I were both half adopted. By that I mean that we were both raised by our birth mothers and fathers who adopted us at very young ages. I have never met anyone else who shares this background and I have always thought it was a very cool thing to have in common. It is one of the reasons that we decided to build our family through adoption.


4. I ushered in the millennium at a party in South Africa, never imagining that I would be returning to Africa almost a decade later to adopt two children!


5. I like to think that coincidences are not merely coincidences but rather signs that we are walking on the right path. See random facts #3 and #4.


6. We shop at a grocery store called Stew Leonard's, which has lots of entertainment for children such as singing and dancing fruits and vegetables. Mark and I have been shamelessly singing and dancing along with these fruits and vegetables for the past four years, and are now looking forward to having children in tow to give us a legitimate excuse to act so silly in public!


7. I love the taste and smell of coffee but I don't like caffeine! I know that's probably strange to most of you, but it just makes me feel antsy and even if I only drink one cup in the morning I have trouble sleeping at night. Mark, who can drink a large Dunkin Donuts coffee at 8 PM and still get to sleep, thinks I should start drinking coffee now in order to become less caffeine sensitive by the time we go to Ethiopia, because certainly I will want to drink the coffee when I am there! I just figure that I will be so excited, not to mention the fact that I will have two babies to tend to, that I can forget about getting a good night's sleep anyway so what does it matter!


Now I get to tag 7 blogs. The following families can consider themselves IT!







Friday, November 14, 2008

Jumping for Joy!

It's done! Our home study is finally done! Wahoo wooooe!!! Yippieeeeeeee....e'hem.

Apparently our adoption agency requested a lot of changes to the original draft, which our social worker made fairly quickly, probably because I turned into a giant stalker! Then our agency had to review those changes, which took another week. Anyway, it's DONE! Our social worker mailed it off to USCIS yesterday afternoon and now we are waiting for immigration approval, which will come by way of US mail anywhere from 2 weeks to 3+ months from now. Once that's done we will take the form they send us, have it notarized and then off it will go on it's authentication journey (see "happy anniversary" posting on October 10th if you want to know what that means). So, we are one giant step closer and on the final leg of the all this paperwork madness. Apart from waiting for the USCIS approval form the only other thing we are waiting for is official approval from our adoption agency, which should come any day now that they have our home study.

What have we been doing to pass the time, you ask? How is the nursery coming along, you wonder? Well, we sort of stalled out on the nursery project, mostly because we still haven't figured out what to do with the box spring and mattress that we no longer need and have no place to store. Maybe if it stops raining this weekend I will drag it out to the street and pin a "free" sign on it! In the meantime, I am teaching myself to knit. And if you know me with a project, once I start there is just no stopping me so the nursery will have to wait for a bit longer. Here is my first project, a scarf of course...
I know, it might be a little small, even for a baby. I got kind of bored with the one stitch, one color thing so I switched to a baby hat....


And then another hat! I think it needs a blue pom-pom...

I am into the hats and can get one done in 2 or 3 evenings, but I think I need to branch out and figure out how to do a sweater or something, otherwise these kids will have 100 hats waiting for them by the time they finally get here! LOL!

Maybe I'll make something for Mark, since he's such a great husband and has been asking for one and keeps trying to wear the baby hats!


“Patience and fortitude conquer all things” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friday, October 31, 2008

Boo!


OK, that's someone else's pug but I couldn't resist! Happy Halloween everyone! We are expecting the usual flood of trick or treaters tonight and will be sitting out on our front steps until the candy runs out. Usually I get the dogs dressed up (to Mark's dismay) and they sit outside with us but I think it might be a little cold this year for our pampered fur babes!

There has been no change in our status this week but one of our new adoption friends got the good news yesterday that she passed court and will be traveling to get her daughter on November 16! We are so happy for her and relieved, quite frankly, as it took a few tries to get through court. As we are learning, waiting to get a referral is only half the battle. Getting through court seems to sometimes be an even bigger challenge and not everyone makes it through the first time. People can fail court for a variety of reasons, not all of which we fully understand yet, but one reason lately is that a new document has been required since the courts reopened in October (for those who don't know, the Ethiopian courts shut down for a few months during the rainy season). Our hearts go out to those who are having trouble getting through court. It must be agonizing to know your child is waiting for you and not be able to get to them.

We have also learned that Ethiopian adoptions are rapidly becoming increasingly popular and it is my understanding that each agency is now only allotted a certain number of court appointments per week. The combination of the new document, lots of adoptions and limited court dates seems to be slowing things down and our agency has upped their referral estimates from 3 - 5 months to 4 - 6 months. Alas, we knew that this could happen and that things can change quickly in an international adoption. We are hopping to be approved and officially on the wait list any day now, which means we might still be on track to have the kiddos home by next summer. We are, however, mentally preparing ourselves for missing that window, which would mean waiting out the rainy season to bring the kids home next fall. Either way, we know that Gladney will be doing everything they can to get us through this process quickly and we are getting closer every day! We hope to have some good news to report next week!

I know some of you are wondering how the nursery is coming along and hoping for some pictures. I promise, they are coming soon, but we decided to clean out every closet, drawer and shelf before launching into the remodeling of the rooms. We have just finished weeding out all our books, the basement, and we emptied the storage locker that Mark has had since before we met ('bout time!). Trying to fit two childern into your life sure is motivation to clear out the clutter!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Green Light Go!

Well, the draft of our Home Study report finally arrived on Thursday afternoon! We made some changes and sent it back Friday morning before work and now it is in the hands of our adoption agency for their review and feedback. I have been told this takes about a week. I am not holding my breath. After that the report goes off to CIS and we wait for our approval form. Then we have this last document notarized and off it goes through the authentication chain! Getting closer...but still a long way to go. Waiting is something we had better just get used to!

Lot's to do today so this post is going to have to be short and sweet. Off to Lowes to get some tools to strip the guest room of that old wall paper. Anyone need a barely used double mattress and box spring? Sorry, dear friends, it's back to the couch when you come to visit from now on!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Three Weeks and Counting

It has been three weeks since our final home study interview and still no sign of our home study report. Three weeks and one day to be exact, but who’s counting (me!). Three weeks feels like an eternity when you are waiting for something as important as this. Three weeks is enough time to watch the leaves turn from green to orange and fall to the ground…to make a few new friends…to learn how to say “I am your Mommy”, “Can I hold you?”, and “I love you” in Amharic…to wonder what your children will be like 8,479 times.

I am hoping that now that we are beyond the major Jewish holidays, where work is forbidden (what a good idea! I could use a couple of those days myself!), that our lovely, busy, Rabbi in training, social worker will focus on completing our home study!

“He that can have Patience can have what he will.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Friday, October 10, 2008

Happy Anniversary...

...to us! We celebrated our 3rd anniversary this past Thursday. It was a beautiful sunny 75 degree day...nothing at all like the blustery, rainy, cold weekend we got married! We were so happy that day I think the only time I really noticed the cold was when we were having this picture taken! We celebrated on Thursday by having a romantic dinner at a terrific tapas restaurant down the street from our house. Apparently the restaurant has been in business for 19 years, but we only just discovered it! We will definitely be returning. It was the best food and service that we have had since moving to CT!

You probably aren't reading this to hear about our dining experiences, so the adoption update is that all the documents we gathered for our dossier have been sent out for authentication. Huh? OK, let's take a step back. The first step in creating a "dossier", aka the set of official documents that will eventually be submitted to the Ethiopian government as proof that we are fit to parent, involves collecting medical reports, financial statements, letters of reference, FBI clearance, proof of insurance, proof of employment, color copies of our passports, a written statement explaining why we want to adopt from Ethiopia, birth certificates, marriage certificate, and a few other things. Each and every one of these documents must be authenticated, and the authentication chain looks like this:

1. Person writing the letter signs the document

2. Notary Public authenticates signature and date

3. County clerk of court authenticates notary's seal (some states skip this step)

4. Secretary of State authenticates county clerk or notary's seal

5. U.S. State Department authenticates the state's seal

6. Embassy of the foreign government authenticates the U.S. State Department's seal

7. Finally, after being mailed all over the place and stamped within an inch of its life, the document is ready for the dossier!

8. When all the required documents have been authenticated, the completed dossier goes off to Ethiopia

Phew! I am tired just thinking about it! I know this all might sound crazy, and it does at times feel like we are puppets on the string of a sadistic governmental puppeteer, but authenticating documents from another country is standard practice for all sorts of business dealings between countries and if you think about it from the perspective of the foreign government it makes sense. The foreign country sets up requirements that they think will "prove" that prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) are mentally, physically and legally up to the task (and believe me, Ethiopia's requirements are easier than some). Then, since they obviously can't just take our word for it, they need proof of the authenticity of the documents. In this day of high quality technology you can imagine how one might be able to trump up official looking documents that a foreign official might not be able to detect...and how do they know that the signatures are legitimate and not just the signature of someone's brother-in-law with a fancy stamp from Staples? You see where I'm going with this....

So, our documents have begun their world tour, and since we had documents originating in NY, CT, NH, ME, MI, CA, NJ, MA and probably a few other states that I am forgetting at the moment, the pages of our dossier are currently off visiting State Houses around the country. The Secretary of State will not notarize documents that aren't absolutely to-the-letter perfect, so for those of you who had to create these documents for us, this is why you received that long list of weird and detailed guidelines! It is also why the notary's commission needed to be good for two years. As soon as the notary's commission expires, so does our document, and we would have to go through the whole crazy authentication process all over again. As you can imagine, this could bring an adoption to a grinding halt! We have had one small hiccup so far...one notary's name could not be deciphered but we think it has been quickly resolved with another letter. Fingers crossed that the rest go through without a hitch!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

FBI Approved

All our paperwork is done and we reached some key milestones over the past couple weeks. First of all, we had our finger prints taken for the FBI and then a few days later for CIS (immigration). We weren't sure what to expect but we anticipated something akin to the DMV with long lines and slow turn around times. I am pleased to report that the experience was the complete opposite and the whole thing was quick and easy. We sent our prints to the FBI and received our clearance letters back a mere 7 days later! Shocking!

The big thing that we are waiting for is the completion of our Home Study report. Mark and I have done all the things that we needed to do, which included ten hours of adoptive parent training, meeting with our social worker as a couple and individually, as well as an inspection of our home. I am pleased to say that we passed all of these things with flying colors...I even got a big hug at the end of my last appointment!...and the whole thing was pretty painless in spite of some pretty personal questions that we had to answer. Our social worker was wonderful and always made us feel like she was an advocate for us. Now the ball is in her court to write up the report, submit a draft to Gladney for their approval and feedback, and then send us five notarized reports (one for CIS, two for Gladney, one for our dossier and one for our records). Really nothing else can happen until this report is done so we are hoping and praying that she is able to get it done soon! She estimated three weeks from our last appointment so that would mean October 16th...stay tuned!

After the home study is done, CIS approval and Gladney approval will be the next big milestones. I don't think the Gladney part will be too hard and we have already submitted everything else that they need from us. CIS approval will just be a matter of waiting and I really can't figure out how long a wait it will be. Looking at other blogs has only shown me that the time frame varies widely from as fast as two weeks to as long as 3 months! It is my hope and best guestimate that we will get through these last steps by the end of December and officially enter the wait list some time in January. From there it’s just more waiting…Gladney is still predicting 3 to 5 months so our referral, which is when we know who our child(ren) will be, could happen in the spring or early summer!

To pass the time we are shifting our energies to the nursery. The nursery!!!! As I mentioned in our last blog, we have started visiting baby stores, testing out strollers and shaking cribs to see which ones are sturdy enough for our little ones! When we went to our appointment for CIS fingerprints we happened to park in front of a big baby store that had some very reasonably priced cribs that we may in fact purchase. First we need to do some rearranging by moving all the guest room furniture out of the little bedroom and moving all the office furniture (the VERY heavy office furniture) into the little room. Then we plan to put up beadboard and paint the walls in the old office/now nursery! This will keep us plenty busy for the next few months!

We are getting together with some of the other Gladney Ethiopia Families in our area next week for a Pumpkin Carving party. This may be more fun when we have little ones of our own but we are still looking forward to getting to know these families better. I will try to take some pictures and write about it next week.